


Sun and love have six things in common

by silvervelour



Series: Sun and love have six things in common [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: 70's AU, F/F, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, lesbians being lesbians, roadtrip lesbians!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvervelour/pseuds/silvervelour
Summary: Nicky clasps her hands together, and then presses them flat to the table. Jan watches her chest rise and then fall as she takes in a breath, tilts her head as she purses her lips. There’s a faint sheen of sweat across her and Jan is grateful for her own purple high waisted pinstripe shorts and tank top that are keeping her cool. Nicky tucks her hair behind her, motions towards her bag that’s still sat in the hallway. It can be seen from the kitchen and Jan tries not to get her hopes up before Nicky confirms anything.“Gigi’s on her way here, and we-“. Nicky grins.“-Are all going on a road trip”.*It's June 1979, and Jan, Gigi and Nicky are road tripping from West to East coast for a music festival.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Nicky Doll/Jaida Essence Hall
Series: Sun and love have six things in common [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903786
Comments: 126
Kudos: 153





	1. rising

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends!!! I'm super excited about this one! I was unsure about getting back into writing after finishing my last fic but i've fallen so in love with this universe so I hope you like it too!! it's mainly jankie but with a lot of crygi and nicky/jaida thrown in, and I can't wait for you to see what I have planned. 
> 
> let me know your thoughts!!!<3

Just as Jan thinks the sun is never going to rise again, it does. 

She’s been living at her parents estate since graduating college two whole months ago, her diploma as heavy as her future prospects in the palm of her hand, or the mantle of the fireplace in her bedroom. Sometimes, she’ll squint to read it from her place beneath her sheets - Janice Mantione, Bachelor of Arts - and will marvel at how she’d successfully navigated four years of majoring in French language. 

It was during her first week that she’d met Nicky. She’d been one of the only first-language speakers in her literature classes that they’d shared, and Jan has counted her as a friend since Jan had been too embarrassed to ask her professor about a prefix that she really should have known. Instead she’d asked Nicky, and Nicky had told her, rolled her eyes around delicate black liner and a blue, pearlescent pen in her hand. 

She’s known Gigi even before then. They’d first met as teenagers in their all girls catholic school in Northern California, though they hadn’t made it past the inherently competitive nature that they’d once shared until agreeing to be roommates for their first year at college. Jan still maintains that it had been purely for convenience's sake but Gigi has always argued that it was because they’d subconsciously recognised their potential friendship. 

If Jan’s honest with herself - which she’s getting better at - then she knows that Gigi is right. 

The three of them hadn’t come together until the end of their freshman year. Jan and Gigi had been looking for a third roommate to share an apartment downtown that they were planning on leasing for their sophomore year, and Jan had suggested Nicky without so much as a second's hesitation. They’d moved in at the beginning of that same August and had signed another lease together the following year, and the year after that because it had worked; for all intents and purposes. 

And it had continued that way, until they all graduated. 

Jan had moved back to her parents' estate because she could and had wanted to, and Gigi had stayed behind to rent herself a smaller apartment with new roommates and a sales job at a dainty clothing boutique. She’s told Jan very little of it, with the exception of her roommates being too quiet and the store being too conservative. Jan feels for her but also understands her decision to not want to fall back onto the springboard of her family's wealth like Jan has, because it’s growing tiresome. 

It’s something that Jan almost, very nearly feels guilty about. She thinks that she would, if it wasn’t for Nicky’s reassurances that come through phone lines from across the state. Nicky’s been sleeping on the couches of acquaintances and calling Jan and Gigi from hotel landlines. She’s having fun, from what Jan’s able to gather, and Jan envies Nicky and what Nicky does best. There’s an instinct within her not to tie herself to any one thing for longer than she needs to and she navigates her newfound existence outside of college with ease. 

Jan doesn’t share the same ability. 

Nicky knows as much, and it’s why she shows up at Jan’s front door on a scorching Saturday, chimes the doorbell insistently until Jan pulls herself off of the living room couch. She does so begrudgingly, and initially curses out her parents and brothers for heading into the city that morning. It means that she has to leave behind the same ABBA record that she’s been playing for the past hour, the music growing quieter the closer to the door that she gets. 

She answers the door expecting to see anybody but Nicky. Jan hasn’t spoken to her for almost a week, and a neighbour showing up with a request for sugar, or a speckled banana for a banana bread that they’re planning on making seems all the more likely. It doesn't stop Nicky from being there however, and she pushes her way past Jan, into the foyer of the house without a hello or even a smile in lieu of a greeting. Jan closes the door behind her, leaves it on the latch, and turns to Nicky who’s pacing the tiled floors, hands propped confidently on her hips. 

“Morning to you too!-”. Jan dramatises. 

“-It was _so_ nice of you to let me know you’d be coming”. She rolls her eyes. 

Nicky huffs, and then drops her hands limply at her sides. She’s clad in a pair of burnt sienna flairs, a white shirt that she’s tucked into them. There’s a large bag slung over her shoulder - it’s made of tan leather, appears packed to the brim - and Jan glances between the tassels dangling from it and the deepening frown upon Nicky’s face. She takes a step forward, bare feet on marble, and walks into the familiar scent of Nicky’s orange blossom perfume. 

“Don’t act like you’re not pleased to see me”. Nicky grins. 

“I didn’t say that, gorg-”. Jan drawls. 

“-But a quick call to say, ‘hey Jan I’m about to turn up at your door without any warning’ would’ve been amazing”. 

But Jan isn’t arguing, not really. Nicky pulls her into an embrace that she’s missed around her family and Jan leans into it, holding on for a second longer than she normally would. Hands grip tightly at her shoulder blades and Nicky’s bangs that haven’t been pulled back into her low ponytail tickle the skin of her cheek. Jan brushes at them as Nicky pulls away, detangles their arms, and Jan watches as Nicky makes herself comfortable with her surroundings. She drops her bag to the corner of the hallway and begins wandering aimlessly. 

Jan follows her, albeit cautiously. Nicky’s only been in her house once before, during the summer between their junior and senior year. She and Gigi had driven up from LA in Gigi’s convertible, picked Jan and her oversized suitcase up on their way to Vegas for the weekend. They’d stayed in an overpriced hotel from the Friday to the Monday and had drunk through what felt like the entirety of their suites mini bar. It’s the worst hangover that Jan’s able to recall and it’s not something she’s ever keen on reliving. 

They end up in the kitchen. Nicky sits at the wooden, farmhouse style table, and Jan sits opposite her. The chairs screech against the terracotta flooring, and Jan grimaces as she rests her chin in the palm of her hand. Her elbow rests on the surface of the table and Nicky leans back, relaxed. Jan takes in the waves of her blonde hair that get caught in the light breeze drifting through the open kitchen window, and her red painted lips that give way slowly to words that Jan struggles to digest. 

“Gigi quit her job”.

“What?”.

“Gigi-“. Nicky repeats. 

“-She quit her job”.

She cocks her head to the side, and Jan blinks slowly. There’s a faint smirk on Nicky’s face, and she has an eyebrow raised in Jan’s direction. Jan leans further forward, removes her hand from beneath her chin as Nicky keeps staring at her. She looks out of place against the teal of the kitchen walls, the yellow of the coasters on the table, but Jan doesn’t comment on it. Instead she chooses to narrow her eyes, because she understands what Nicky’s telling her but is unable to comprehend why. 

“I heard you the first time but still, _what_?”. 

Nicky looks frustrated. She’s always had a habit of leaping head first into conversations that Jan doesn’t have a grasp on, yet. It’s a thing that she’s done ever since they’d first met and despite being used to it, Jan still hasn’t managed to catch up. She arches an eyebrow that tells Nicky to elaborate but when she doesn’t do so, Jan huffs. Nicky pouts in response, leans back again in her chair. It creaks loudly, and Jan doesn’t try to hide her grimace. 

“Jan-“. Nicky whines.

“-You’re missing the point!”. 

Laughing, Jan shakes her head. 

“If you actually got to the point I wouldn’t be able to miss it!”. Jan laughs. 

They chuckle easily amongst themselves. Nicky nods her head - it’s her way of admitting that she should have given context - and mirrors Jan from across the table. They both have their chins resting in the palms of their hands, arms leaning on the table. The air still smells like Nicky’s orange blossom perfume and it might be overpowering but Jan thinks that it’s better than the sage and rosemary that her mom grows in planters along the kitchen windowsill. 

It gets stronger throughout the summer months, embeds itself in Jan’s clothing. Their house isn’t modern enough to be air conditioned, and it reminds Jan of stuffy childhood summers in their backyard, the nights where she’d leave her curtains wide open just to feel the chill that came with the early hours of the morning. Nicky’s looking at her with a soft grin and this time Jan waits patiently yet eagerly, the nails of her free hand tapping at a glass coaster. 

“I have a friend who’s working the Sun festival in Miami in a couple of weeks”. Nicky tells her. 

“Like, _the_ Sun festival?”. 

Jan doesn’t need to double check, but she chooses to do so anyway. She knows about the Sun festival just as everybody else does. It’s been a yearly event for the past decade, and Jan’s unable to think of a better lineup of artists than the one she’s heard broadcasted across radio stations, or talked about in some of her favourite bars in the city. From the look upon Nicky’s face she shares the same sentiment and Jan smiles as she nods at her. 

“Yes!-”. Nicky beams. 

“-And we, darling Janice, have tickets”. 

Jan gasps audibly. It’s dramatic and laughable, but Nicky looks on excitedly. They’re vibrating in their seats, the tapping of Jan’s nails having stopped. Nicky has her own hands clutched tightly to her chest and she’s digging her teeth into her bottom lip to stop her grin from spreading even wider across her face. Jan lets her jaw drop, and then snap shut. She lets out a breath of air that she’s been holding and lifts a finger, shakes her head. 

“Shut up”. 

“It’s true!”. Nicky swears. 

Jan is still confused, and she tries to express this to Nicky with a soft frown.

“Wait, so what does this have to do with Gigi quitting her job?”. 

Nicky clasps her hands together, and then presses them flat to the table. Jan watches her chest rise and then fall as she takes in a breath, tilts her head as she purses her lips. There’s a faint sheen of sweat across her and Jan is grateful for her own purple high waisted pinstripe shorts and tank top that are keeping her cool. Nicky tucks her hair behind her, motions towards her bag that’s still sat in the hallway. It can be seen from the kitchen and Jan tries not to get her hopes up before Nicky confirms anything. 

“Gigi’s on her way here, and we-“. Nicky grins.

“-Are all going on a road trip”. 

*****

Gigi is sprawled across Jan’s bed. 

Her legs dangle off of the edge of it, and Nicky sits at Jan’s dresser with an amused expression on her face. Jan is frantically packing her smallest suitcase as the two look on with eyes filled with humour and she tries to not laugh openly at the absurdity of it all. Nicky’s holding a map, unfolding and then refolding sections of it as she details their route in specifics that Jan hadn’t even considered. She has one leg crossed over the other, and Gigi is rolling her eyes for what Jan thinks must be the hundredth time in the space of the last half hour. 

“Should we take a detour through Vegas?”. Nicky muses. 

“Ugh-”. Gigi shivers. 

“-No way, I’m getting flashbacks to Jan’s twenty-first”. 

The mention of it makes Jan groan into her closet. Nicky and Gigi both hear her, and their laughter echoes throughout the room, bounces off of the high ceilings. Jan takes another pair of shorts from a hanger, folds them beneath her arm with a selection of shirts. There are a pair of platform sandals tucked under the other and when she steps back into her room, she drops them down into the suitcase that’s laid open next to Gigi on the bed. 

“Yeah-”. Jan agrees. 

“-Let’s _not_ do that”. 

“Fine-”. Nicky sighs. 

“-We’ll just go through LA instead”. She huffs. 

She folds the map back up as Jan walks towards her chest of drawers on the other side of the room. Nicky sets it down onto her lap with and the paper crinkles, rustles as she adjusts. Jan opens the top drawer and begins picking out underwear, as well striped socks that she likes to accompany with her chunkier sneakers. She tosses them in the vague direction of the bed and as Gigi shrieks in surprise, Nicky snorts out a laugh. 

“Do y’all think I should pack a swimsuit?”. Jan asks. 

Nicky’s head whips in her direction. 

“ _Merde-_ ”. She blanches. 

“-Of course you need a swimsuit!”. 

She sounds outraged that Jan would even stop to consider it. Gigi laughs along with Jan and Nicky shakes her head mockingly, stands from where she’s been sitting next to Jan’s dresser. She crosses the room, begins rummaging through Jan’s drawer with her. She points out a high waisted bikini that’s lilac and floral, as well as a turquoise one piece. Jan scrunches up her nose and mumbles a low _no_ , opts for a white one piece instead of the turquoise one. 

“Please tell me you picked the white one and not that ugly turquoise one”. Gigi interjects. 

Grinning, Jan shows Gigi that she has. Gigi looks proud, and Nicky sulks back towards the mint suede armchair. She sinks down into it, tilts her head backwards. Her eyes stare directly up towards the ceiling and Jan pads back across the brown shag rug in the centre of her room, perches on the edge of her bed. Gigi sits up too, and when Jan deems her suitcase full enough, she zips it with the help of Gigi’s arm forcing the two sides shut. 

“Are we seriously just going to take your family's RV?”. Gigi questions. 

She’s toying with a loose thread on one of Jan’s scatter cushions, looping it around her fingers. Her auburn hair is splayed across a pillow, and Jan prods at her knee with an eager nod. Jan laughs too, because _yes_ , they are, and Gigi looks back at her in disbelief. Nicky chuckles in the background as if it hadn’t been her idea; she’d brought it up to Jan over a glass of chilled lemonade as well as a bowl of watermelon and Jan had been easily convinced. 

Because she knows that neither of her parents would mind. It’s been sat in their garage since the summer prior when her dad had impulsively splurged on it. They’d only used it once - for a round trip to DC in the fall - and Jan doesn’t see the point in it merely gathering dust. She relays this to Gigi as they leave her bedroom, and she scrawls a note that she leaves on the kitchen table which explains their plan to her parents. She’s able to picture her dad's reaction of laughter when she calls them from a payphone somewhere in the south, and it fills her with a new joy as she unlocks the RV, hoists her suitcase into the living area of it. 

It’s small, but big enough to house the three of them comfortably. Jan remembers her mom telling her it could fit six to eight people if they used the pull out beds and she keeps the fact stashed away. Gigi is still unsure of the idea as she glances around, wrinkles her nose at the sight of the orange and peach floral curtains. They hang from each of the windows, and contrast the mint of the outside of the vehicle. A thick, darker green stripe wraps around the metal body of it, and Jan doesn’t think it’s particularly ugly but she also doesn’t love it. 

Nicky seems to share the same sentiment, and she chuckles as she slides into the passenger seat. Gigi joins them despite the disgruntlement - Jan still can’t tell if it’s exaggerated or not - and they turn up the volume of the radio until the windows feel like they’re about to vibrate into shatters. The voice of Donna Summer singing _hot stuff_ surrounds them and Jan turns to Nicky and Gigi with a smirk. 

“Ready?”. Nicky grins.

“I have a feeling that saying no isn’t an option”. Gigi narrows her eyes. 

But Jan just laughs, ignites the engine. 

“Let’s go!”. 

***** 

It’s not that easy. 

They drive for four hours, and in that time they make it to the outskirts of LA. Nicky directs them to a burger joint that she promises is good from past experience, and Jan pulls the RV into the parking lot of it with a satisfied sigh. Even Gigi is smiling as they chew their way through the cheese loaded fries that they order whilst sitting on a patch of grass nearer to the beach, but neither Jan or Nicky choose to comment on it. 

The sun still perches high above them even as it approaches seven in the evening. It’s nearing the end of June, and Jan knows that the days are only going to get longer. She looks forward to them stretching out along the roads that they’re going to drive for the next month and leans back onto her elbows, kicks her legs out in front of herself. 

Nicky gathers their wrappers as they finish their food, and tosses them into the nearest trash can. Gigi gets up to follow her and Jan is the last to pull herself from the circle of daisies that she’d sunk into. She walks back across the parking lot, listens in on the conversation that Gigi and Nicky are enthralled in. Jan catches brief mentions of Tucson and Alamogordo, and doesn’t miss the way that this time, when discussing the route of their trip, Gigi seems less reluctant. She counts it as a win in her books, and climbs back into the driver's seat. 

“All good? Ready?”. Nicky asks. 

And Jan is, as is Gigi, but the RV doesn’t seem to be. 

She turns the key in the ignition, presses her foot to the clutch. The signs of life come in faint chugs and ragged rattling sounds before they quiet all together, dissipate into a faint hum. Jan tries again, being no stranger to how the first car that she had in high school would always cut out when she first tried to start it. Nicky eyes her wearily as she turns the key, and Gigi grounds under her breath. Jan doesn't know if she intends it to be audible or not but Jan hears it clearly, and she shoots her a look over Nicky’s shoulder. 

When it still doesn’t start on the third try, Nicky grimaces. 

“Oh no-“. Nicky looks between Jan and the steering wheel.

“-That can’t be good”. 

Jan’s first instinct is to bite at Nicky for stating the obvious, but she catches herself before she’s able to do so. She drops her hands limply back into her lap, and then lets her head fall forwards to rest on the steering wheel. She breathes evenly out through her nose, and leans in to the comforting hand that Nicky presses to her shoulder. Her fingertips are cold from the soda cup that she’s been holding onto for the best part of an hour and Jan is shocked back to reality by how they wrap around her arm. 

She pulls Jan back up, back from the edge, and mutters a believable _it’s ok._ Her hand unwinds from Jan and moves back to her cup, and she sips the orange soda from it as Jan swings the door of the RV back open. She unbuckles her seatbelt, strides around to the hood of the vehicle. She pops it without warning Nicky and Gigi before hand, but they’re quick to join her, both sporting expressions that are more concerned than Jan appreciates. 

“I personally _love_ it when my expensive cars fuck up”. Gigi drawls. 

“Not the time, Geege”. Jan huffs. 

She takes a step closer to the exposed engine, and frowns at the realisation that she has _no idea_ what she’s staring at. Her dad had always opted to hire local garages for any repairs throughout her childhood, never opting to learn how to tackle them himself. He’d spent more time wearing suits than grimey overalls and Jan had never thought she’d find herself complaining about it; her opinion quickly changes as she’s confronted with a pipe that’s scalding when she presses a finger to it. 

“Fuck-”. Jan curses. 

“-I don’t think that’s normal”. 

Jan steps backwards. The parking lot is empty for the most part, with the exception of a group of teenage boys cuddled around a Cortina and a family walking back towards a burgundy Jeep in the far corner. The drive thru of the joint is near empty too, and it’s only when Jan looks away from Nicky worrying her bottom lip between her teeth and Gigi crossing her arms petulantly across her chest that she notices the two women that have stopped next to them. 

“That’s _definitely_ not normal”. One of them interjects. 

And Jan isn’t thinking as she responds. 

“What’s not normal?”. 

“Boiling pipes, doll”. The same woman chuckles. 

At that, Jan laughs openly. It cuts the tension that had settled throughout her bones, and their shared giggles even make Gigi crack a soft smile. The two women are still smiling at her - Jan briefly notices that they’re wearing roller skates, it should be absurd - and she begins to take them in slowly. The taller of the two sports a curly mullet that falls to her shoulders, and it somehow fits with the whimsical nature of her outfit, the floral pattern of her romper and the bell sleeves that fall in line with her movements.

She skates in a small circle on the spot, but it’s the other woman that Jan finds herself _really_ looking at. She’s the one whose words had pulled laughter from Jan, and her face is as soft as her voice had been. There’s a dusting of blue eyeshadow across her lids and it matches the leather of her skates, the denim of her flared dungarees. She’s wearing a white t-shirt beneath them with the sleeves rolled up, as well as yellow resin earrings in the shapes of stars that glint in the sun. 

Jan looks up at her as she leans against the bumper, and then back to Nicky and Gigi. 

“Fuck-”. Jan snorts. 

“-Yeah, didn’t think pipes that could burn through my skin were exactly the pinnacle of car health”.

“Car _health_?”. Gigi mocks. 

Jan sighs, rubs a hand across her forehead. 

“You know what I mean”. She groans. 

The woman in the dungarees steps - or skates - closer. She motions towards the open hood of the RV, and Jan doesn’t hide the smile that’s slowly growing on her face once more. The sun is just beginning to set, and Nicky and Gigi have sat down on the concrete ground, muttering something about _being here a while_ and _a great start to their trip_. Jan doesn’t blame them. She can’t blame them when the RV that she’s responsible for has decided to give up less than half a day into their journey, not so much as start up.

Both women seem to understand, and they look at her with empathy. 

“Want me to take a look?”. One of them voices. 

_The one with the dungarees_. 

“What?-”. Jan gapes. 

“-For real?!”. 

“Sure-”. She replies. 

“-Maybe I can get you on the road again”.

She accompanies her words with a smirk, and she’s already slipping off her skates before Jan’s able to argue that she doesn’t need to help them out. It’s not that she isn’t grateful, because she is, unbelievably so. It’s that she’s unable to thank her enough for even attempting. Jan knows that there aren’t many people in the state of California that would have offered and it’s why she beams up at her, stands at her side as she inspects the engine and all of its workings that Jan’s unable to comprehend. 

A handful of minutes pass in silence. 

The sky becomes pink, and then purple.

“I’m Jackie, by the way”. She smiles softly. 

Her hair is secured into a low bun, and she looks up at Jan with a small smudge of grease on her cheek. She’s able to feel the eyes of both Nicky and Gigi scorching through her skull from behind, and she knows they’d be chastising her for wanting to reach out, wipe at the small black mark with her thumb. Jan quickly shakes it off, and looks instead to the other woman who’s settled on the floor next to Gigi, her skates unlaced and hanging loosely on her feet as words pour from her mouth. 

“Oh yeaaaah shit I forgot!-“. A laugh follows. 

“-I’m Crystal!”. She exclaims.

None of them mention the way she directs it exclusively to Gigi, but from the smirk on Jackie’s face and the way that nicky rolls her eyes, Jan knows that they’ve noticed it too. Nicky sits patiently on the concrete, hands propped up behind her, and regards the situation unfolding before her with one slightly raised eyebrow and a smile curling around her lips. Gigi has her chin resting on her knees but Crystal keeps talking to her, oblivious to the disinterest that she’s trying to give off. 

Jan doesn’t know how much time passes. All that she knows is that it does, quicker than she thought it would. Nicky converses easily with all of them and Gigi looks more at ease talking to Crystal than Jan has seen her all day. Jackie hums along to a tune that Jan doesn’t recognise, and Jan trains her eyes on Jackie’s easy movements as purple becomes navy, and then eventually indigo. 

“Found the problem”. Jackie tells them with a laugh.

Jan braces herself for the worst. 

“Is it bad?”. She grimaces. 

Shaking her head, Jackie steps backwards. There’s grease plastered up one of her arms, and this time Jan does attempt to swipe it off for her. It’s futile, because there’s so much of it, but Jackie blinks up at her from beneath dark lashes regardless and Jan doesn’t care that she ends up with a palm full of black smudges. She wipes it off on the back pocket of her shorts, and tries to stay hopeful as Jackie points towards the offending pipe. 

“You’re just really low on oil”. Jackie snorts. 

Nicky cackles behind them. 

“That’s it? Just low on god damn _oil_?”. Gigi grits. 

“Common problem-”. Jackie shrugs.

“-With a bit of luck, there should be some in the trunk”. 

And Jan knows that there is because her grandfather had always told her dad to make a habit of keeping a can in each of his vehicles in case of emergency. Jackie retrieves it and tops it up with ease, and when she’s done, she closes the hood of the RV with a satisfying thud. She leans against it, mirrors Jan, and it’s then that the others stand to join them. Crystal has removed her skates completely, and Gigi has shrugged on a sweater that had previously been tied around her waist. Nicky stands at the side of them, and Jan does her best to shy away from the smirk that she receives each time that she casts her gaze across Jackie’s body. 

“So-“. Crystal smiles.

She gestures vaguely to the RV.

“-Where are you heading?”. 

It’s an innocent question, and Nicky saves Jan and Gigi the trouble of attempting to form a coherent response. She flips her hair over her shoulders, licks across her lips. They’re only bathed in the light that drips from the street lamps above them, but Jan is staring directly at Jackie as Nicky talks and she’d feel stupid for it if it wasn’t for Jackie peering back at her, hip bumping up against Jan’s. With Jackie standing up straight, she’s a handful of inches taller than Jan and it shouldn’t be as alluring as it is. 

“Miami-“. Nicky tells them. 

Then there’s a pause. 

And Jan thinks that Nicky is a genius but also the most exasperating person on earth. 

“-‘Wanna come with us?”. 

Gigi and Jan are both glaring at Nicky, but Jan would be willing to bet that it’s for different reasons. She looks momentarily away from Jackie, but then back to her when she feels eyes boring into the side of her head. Crystal looks full of excitement and Jan feels reckless at the thought of Jackie at least mulling it over, contemplating the sheer stupidity of Nicky’s offer. Jan doesn’t know what possessed her, but she isn’t mad, and doesn’t retract Nicky’s proposal.

Because if anything, she’s interested. 

“C’mon-“. Nicky prods. 

“-Free ride, all the way there and back”. She swears.

There’s mischief, prominent on her face. Jan sees right through her, to the scheming that she’s already putting into place. They’re close friends - _close_ close friends - and Jan knows that Nicky knows what the shift in Jan’s demeanour means. Gigi is more subtle about it but the statement remains the same; Nicky is pairing them up in her mind and Jan’s not going to fight it if it benefits her.

So she turns to Jackie directly. 

“I promise we’re good company”. She breathes. 

To her left, Gigi groans. It’s loud in the parking lot, and the group of teenage boys that are still gathered around a battered Cortina snicker amongst themselves. Jan drops her hands to her sides, and her knuckles brush up against Jackie’s. They’re soft, delicate yet strong in a way Jan hadn’t expected. They loop together as Jan’s breath hitches in her chest and Nicky looks as if she’s never been prouder of herself. 

“You’re all insane”. Gigi dramatises.

But there’s a smile tugging at her lips as Crystal nudges her. 

“Should we do it Crys?”. Jackie winks. 

Jan doesn’t expect Crystal to respond as quickly as she does. 

“We gotta go pack!”. 

And so they drive the two miles to Jackie and Crystal’s apartment where they pack their bags, lock the door behind them. 

They’re coasting along the highway less than half an hour later, and with Jackie glancing at her from the passenger seat, Jan feels the sun rising even as the sky outside grows dark. Crystal has fallen asleep with her head on Gigi’s shoulder, and for all of Gigi’s complaints, she doesn’t look displeased. There’s a soft smile upon her face, and it compliments the smirk that Nicky’s wearing. She shakes her head in disbelief at Jan, and if Jan feels a stirring in her gut when she looks at Jackie -

\- Then she says nothing. 


	2. light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they park ten minutes later, Jackie follows Jan to the secluded double bed at the back of the RV. They change silently into cotton nighties, lay facing each other with mirrored smiles. On the other side of the curtain that separates them, Gigi and Crystal have shifted in their sleep so that Crystal’s arm is looped across Gigi’s waist. Jan and Jackie find themselves in a similar position and -
> 
> \- It stays that way each night for the rest of the trip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends!! welcome back to ch2 of lesbians being lesbians! this fic is just me living my best life, so I hope you like it!! the comments on the first ch were so lovely and I didn't expect that kind of response so thanks y'all!!
> 
> let me know your thoughts!<3

The whole day feels like the break of dawn. 

It’s bright, from the minute that Jan peels her eyes open just as the sun rises to when she shuts them again at night. She feels like the rays of the sun have singled her out and chosen to shine on her exclusively when she looks around at the company that she’s keeping. Nicky and Gigi make her chest feel warm as they chatter amongst themselves in the living area of the RV while Jan drives, but so do Crystal and Jackie. 

The spontaneity of it begins to overwhelm Jan if she thinks about it too much, and it’s why she simply doesn’t. Crystal and Jackie integrate themselves easily, and they even have Nicky’s approval which is a rare feat in itself. She tells Jan that she thinks they’re  _ good _ as they wait in line at a gas station in southern California with their arms full of snacks, and Jan reads between the lines. Nicky shoots her a wink to confirm it and Jan starts to think that she isn’t delusional. 

Because Crystal is nice, she really is. Jan enjoys the time that they’ve spent together throughout the first two days of their trip, even if she’s certain that Crystal has been high for most of their interactions. Her eyes are expressive despite being bleary, and she talks with her hands as much as Jan does. Jan appreciates it, and appreciates the ease that she laughs with too. There’s a lightness and an innocence there - it’s rubbing off on all of them - and Jan finds that she sleeps a little better each night because of it. 

Jan also likes Crystal because of how evidently  _ Crystal _ likes  _ Gigi _ . She’s obvious about it in a way that makes it hard for Gigi, as well as Jan and Nicky to ignore. Gigi begins to soften as a result of it and Jan hadn’t seen it coming but Nicky had and it shows. It’s gradual, almost sluggish, but getting to watch it unfold in their RV as they reach the state border makes Jan smile. 

Jackie also has the same effect. 

She’s not as overt with her feelings as Crystal is, but Jan doesn’t mind having to dig deeper in order to find them. Nicky makes the same effort because Gigi is distracted even if she argues that there’s nothing there. She stays in the small living space with Crystal on the night of day three, and Jan keeps driving with Nicky and Jackie at her side. Nicky is still directing them - Jan doesn’t trust herself with the map that looks like a foreign language - and she tells them that there’s a campsite a little over two hours away. 

The highway is long. They keep the radio playing for the first half an hour, and Nicky cranks the volume up a handful of notches when  _ ring my bell _ by Anita Ward begins playing. She sings along quietly, swears to Jackie that it’ll be number one in the charts by the end of the week. Jackie purses her lips and nods her head graciously but Jan’s able to see the laughter hidden behind them, even through the corner of her eye. 

Jan keeps her eyes trained on the road as Nicky turns the volume back down. The cars that they drive past come few and far between, and Nicky lets out a yawn as the clock ticks over into the next day. They can’t be more than an hour away - maybe less - from the campsite where they’ll get to park up for the night, but Jan feels awake, alert. It’s why she turns to Nicky briefly, always cautious of the bends in the road, and smiles sympathetically at her exhaustion. 

“Gorg-”. Jan chuckles. 

“-Go get some sleep”. 

Nicky looks up from where she’s let her head slump back against the seat, pouts her lips. 

“Wanted to stay up with you both”. She mumbles. 

It elicits a laugh from Jackie and a quiet snicker from Jan. Nicky’s words slur together as one, become unintelligible murmurs that Jan’s barely able to make out. Jan admires Nicky’s perseverance, but a tired Nicky is as useful as a sulking Gigi. She tells Nicky as much with a loving wave of her hand and giggles as Nicky turns in Jackie’s direction, searching for backup or an answer that differs from Jan's. When one doesn’t come, Nicky sighs in defeat. 

“Fine”. She concedes. 

Jackie places a hand on her shoulder. 

“I’ll stay up, don’t worry-”. Jackie smiles. 

“ _ -Promise _ we won’t get lost”. 

She accompanies her words with a smirk, and Jan isn’t at all surprised when Nicky doesn’t attempt to retaliate. She’d been the first one to awaken that morning, and Jan is more stunned that she hadn’t fallen asleep straight after they’d eaten dinner at an Italian restaurant in the city. Nicky stands from her seat with a groan, stretches out her legs as Jan keeps her foot pressed to the gas. They’re cruising smoothly, and it means that Nicky’s able to lean against the back of Jan’s drivers seat without fear of falling. 

“Remember to take the left when you get to the site”. Nicky reminds her. 

Jan nods her head with a smile. 

“Actually-”. Nicky corrects. 

“-Jackie, remember to tell Jan to take the left when you get to the site”. 

Narrowing her eyes, Jan huffs. Nicky is always able to lovingly get on every single one of her last nerves, and Jan shakes her head with a laugh, shrugs off the hand that Nicky squeezes at her shoulder with. Jackie is watching them, biting back a grin, but she stays quiet and only nods in recognition. Jan knows that Jackie would have reminded her even if Nicky hadn't told her to do so and the fact makes her feel quietly cared for. 

“I’ll pretend you didn’t just insult me like that”. 

“You failed highschool geography, Jan.  _ Twice _ ”. Nicky adds. 

At that, Jackie does laugh. It’s low, catches in the back of her throat, and Jan knows that when her eyes stray from the road in front of her that it’s for longer than they should. They focus briefly on the stretch of Jackie’s neck, and the hair that falls to her shoulders. There’s a slight wave to it, and she has curtain bangs that are similar to the ones that Nicky sports, only thicker. Jan often notices Jackie swiping them away from her eyes and she smiles at the sight of it before refocusing her attention on the road. 

“Did Gigi tell you that?”. Jan muses. 

“Who else?”. 

“Did Gigi also tell you she failed the same class  _ three _ times?”. 

It makes all three of them laugh. Jan shakes her head to herself, and it marks the end of their conversation. Nicky is still standing, although barely, and is fighting off yawn after yawn. Her eyes are slipping shut as she shuffles on her feet, but she looks briefly towards the back of the RV, to the living area where Crystal and Gigi are already asleep. Jan’s able to see them in her rear view mirror and Jackie peers through the gap in her headrest at them. 

They’re both laying on the same pullout bed, though they aren't touching. Gigi is curled up on her side with her arm tucked beneath her head, and Crystal is sprawled out on her stomach with her feet hanging over the edge of the mattress. They’re sharing the same blanket - it’s crocheted, patterned with brown and orange zigzag’s - and Jan doesn’t miss the way that Gigi’s hand is outstretched towards Crystal. 

Before she goes, Nicky turns to Jackie. 

“Does Crystal like women?”. 

And Jackie just smirks. 

“Crystal  _ loves _ women”. 

*****

It’s quiet when Nicky leaves. 

Or, it is to begin with. 

There’s a curtain that separates the living space of the RV from the front seats, and Nicky pulls it across when she says her goodnight’s. It leaves Jan and Jackie secluded, wrapped up in only the lights lining the highway and the radio that they turn to the lowest possible volume. Olivia Newton-John’s  _ you’re the one that I want _ plays quietly, and fills the spaces that their words don’t. 

Jackie has rolled her window down half way, and she lets her hand dance in the breeze. Her elbow rests on the door frame and when it’s safe to do so, Jan watches her. Jackie keeps her eyes closed for a moment, lashes fluttering against her cheeks. There’s a sense of calm to her that Jan welcomes, and she basks in it as the song on the radio changes. One that Jan doesn’t recognise starts to play but by the look on her face Jackie is just as clueless as she is. 

Her eyes open, and she chuckles. 

Jan has one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other resting limp in her lap. The drive is easy - it’s a straight road for most of the way - and she unwinds into it. Her body feels lax, light. Jackie is adjusting herself so that she’s able to face Jan with a kind smile, and Jan tilts her head when she begins genturing vaguely towards an unsmoked blunt that Crystal had rolled earlier in the day. She’s already holding a silver lighter in the palm of her hand and then she asks Jan, quietly. 

“Do you mind if I…”. Her words trail off. 

“Oh, no-”. Jan shrugs. 

“-Go ahead”. 

Jackie opens the lighter, flicks the flint. She repositions so that she’s able to kick her feet up onto the dash and Jan can smell the smoke before she sees Jackie blowing it from her lips. She directs it towards the window but the breeze makes it flood back into the RV. Jackie grimaces while her elbow rests back on the frame of the door, and Jan chances a fleeting glance her way. When she does, Jackie is already looking back at her with one of her eyebrows arched upwards. 

She blows a mouthful of smoke in Jan’s direction and Jan can’t help but breathe it in. 

“God-”. Jackie laughs. 

“-Y’know, I’ve known Crystal for years but I still don’t understand how she packs these things so full”. 

Jackie laughs, ashes the blunt. 

“Talent?”. Jan guesses.

She smiles straight ahead, tries to picture the expression on Jackie’s face. She imagines that it’s one of confusion, and one that transforms eventually into contentment. Jackie hums happily, and Jan’s able to hear the inhale of her chest, and then the exhale as she lets out breath after breath of smoke. She taps her feet to the rhythm of the song playing on the radio - Jan now recognises it to be _ kiss you all over _ by Exile - and makes her way through half of the blunt before giving Jan an answer. 

“She’s an Aries-”. Jackie states plainly. 

“-I feel like that explains it”. 

With everybody asleep, Jan tries not to cackle. She tries, and ends up failing, but she thinks that it’s maybe worth the lecture that she’s risking from Gigi just to see Jackie grinning. She sinks further into her seat, crosses her legs at the ankles, and when Jan gets another look at her she’s smoked her way through almost half of the blunt. Her eyes are half closed and she’s now smiling softly, her body leant towards Jan. 

“How does that explain it?!”. Jan asks. 

Her voice is high, disbelieving. 

“I don’t know, it just  _ does- _ ”. Jackie isn’t convincing. 

“-I didn’t make the rules, Jan”. she chuckles. 

She tacks on a wink to her words, and Jan moves to grip the steering wheel with both hands. Her teeth bite at the inside of her cheek, because the smile that threatens to break out on her face is too much. Jackie is so close to her that she’s able to feel the heat bouncing off of her skin, is able to smell beyond the smoke and to the almond oil shampoo that Jackie keeps in the cramped shower of the RV. It’s sweet, gentle, but Jan is bitter that she can’t reach out to her. 

So she diverts the conversation. 

“Aren’t you also an Aries?”. 

Jackie purses her lips, takes another drag of the blunt. 

“No comment”. 

She says it with a smile, but Jan finds her knuckles turning white as she grips the steering wheel even tighter. Her nails dig into the leather, and she’s certain that Jackie is looking at her with eyes that could make her crash. It’s why Jan doesn’t dare to look at her - she can’t, she won’t - and instead pushes out a laugh that she knows sounds forced at best. She snorts, shakes her head, presses her foot harder on the gas. 

“That’s hysterical”. 

Jackie stays quiet for a while after that. 

Two songs go by. Or maybe three, possibly four. Jan loses count of how many it’s been when Jackie is finishing the blunt, tossing the roach out of the window. She exhales one last puff of smoke in the same direction and then rolls the window back up, drops her feet from the dash.  _ Lola _ by The Kinks plays quietly in the background, and it’s midway through the chorus when Jackie leans even closer. She’s shifted over in her seat, has tucked her legs beneath herself; Jan could let one of her hands fall from the wheel and into Jackie’s grasp. 

But she doesn’t. 

“So-”. Jackie picks the conversation back up. 

“-You and Gigi went to the same school?”. 

As small talk goes, it’s not the worst that Jan’s ever heard. Jackie sounds interested, intrigued, even with the high lacing her voice. She talks quietly, almost intimately, and it’s just for Jan. The moment exists solely between them, on a mostly empty highway somewhere towards the outskirts of California and the beginnings of Arizona. Jan forgets where exactly. They’ve been driving for hours and if it was just them - herself and Jackie - she thinks that she would have pulled over and given in to Jackie’s touches that she’s starting to trail up her arm. 

They start at her wrist. The tips of Jackie’s fingers are cold, but they warm up quickly against Jan’s skin. On them, she’s able to smell smoke. It’s the same smell that’s made its way into Jackie’s hair and has mixed with the almond of her shampoo. Her touch circles her skin, tickles at Jan’s elbow and then her inner arm. Jan drops her hand from the steering wheel, and Jan is just glad that the road is empty because she  _ definitely _ is not as focused as she should be. 

She clears her throat then, nods her head slowly. 

“All girls catholic”. 

“Damn”. Jackie whistles quietly. 

“Right?-”. Jan chuckles. 

“-No complaints from me though, I had a  _ wonderful _ time”.

The air is static. 

“Oh, I bet you did”. She smirks blatantly.

Jackie’s voice drips like honey. It’s syrupy and sticky, and Jan can feel it spilling across the skin that Jackie’s still touching. Her fingers keep traipsing, travelling aimlessly, and she only pulls away when the exit to the campsite is yards away. Jackie reaches across Jan’s body, hits the turn signal for her. Her chest presses to Jan’s arm as she does so, and she takes Jan’s breath with her when she sits back in her seat. 

“Remember to take the left”. 

When they park ten minutes later, Jackie follows Jan to the secluded double bed at the back of the RV. They change silently into cotton nighties, lay facing each other with mirrored smiles. On the other side of the curtain that separates them, Gigi and Crystal have shifted in their sleep so that Crystal’s arm is looped across Gigi’s waist. Jan and Jackie find themselves in a similar position and -

\- It stays that way each night for the rest of the trip. 

*****

Jaida joins them on day four. 

Nicky has been subtly complaining about being a fifth wheel since the first night of their trip, and when she meets Jaida at the first bar that they visit in Arizona, it’s only natural that she joins them too. It doesn’t take a lot of encouragement, if any at all; Jan watches Nicky start to sweet talk her at the beginning of a song and she’s convinced her by the end of it. 

Gigi had mumbled an  _ unbelievable _ at the sight, but she’d done so with Crystal’s arms wrapped around her waist and it had quickly invalidated any argument that she’d been trying to make. Jan had watched the both of them heading towards the bathroom with their hands interlocked, and then giggled with Jackie in tow when they emerged twenty minutes later with smudged lipstick and wonky hemlines. 

Jaida and Nicky are more subtle, or at least they are initially. Jan doesn’t know the context of their relationship to begin with - Jaida is as mysterious as Nicky is calm - and she resigns herself to simply watching them from afar. They share quick kisses in the back of the RV when they assume that Jan’s unable to see them in her rear view mirror, and are as tactile as Gigi and Crystal are with each other. 

Jan and Jackie enjoy the buildup a little more. 

They visit a secluded lake on day five, and Jan gets to watch Jackie peel away her a-line skirt and sheer shirt to reveal the blue bikini she has on underneath. It’s a deep cobalt in colour, and the top half of it is secured by a tie at her sternum. Jan stares shamelessly at her cleavage, just as Nicky does to Jaida and Gigi to Crystal. There are faint tan lines on Jackie’s shoulders from where she’s been wearing tank tops for the past week, but Jan focuses more on the small clusters of beauty marks that she has on the dips of her collarbones. 

With the RV parked safely and the lake vacant apart from the six of them, Nicky tells Jan to  _ relax _ . Jan tries her best to listen to her, and manages to pry her eyes away from the planes of Jackie’s stomach and the soft muscles of her thighs for long enough to nod her head. Nicky slips a chilled bottle of beer into Jan’s clammy hand and she drains half of it with Jackie’s arm looped around her shoulder. 

A droplet of condensation trickles down the edge of the bottle, and then follows the same journey down the column on Jan’s neck. Jackie presses her thumb to it, swipes it away as if it doesn’t cause a stirring in Jan’s gut. She’s nonchalant about it as she pulls away, and Jan likes that they don’t have to explicitly discuss the lust between them. They’re able to put it aside as they lay a blanket on the grass next to the lake, and sprawl across it with the sun beating down on them. 

Nicky is already swimming around the lake excitedly, and Jan offers her a wave as well as a wink. Jaida is hot on her heels, splashing water at Nicky while they share laughter and a bottle of beer that Nicky struggles to keep above the surface. Gigi and Crystal are sitting on the edge of a rock not too far from Jan and Jackie. Their legs are submerged up to their knees in the clear waters, and Jan squints through her sunglasses, to Jackie who’s picking fresh daisies. 

They’re Jan’s favourite flowers, and she murmurs the fact to Jackie around a swig of beer. Jackie proceeds to lay Jan’s head in her lap. She works the daisies that she’d picked into strands of Jan’s hair that she twists around her fingers. Jan sinks back into her touch, lets her toes brush against the sprigs of grass at her feet. They tickle, but it’s nice; a welcome change to the gentrified California that she’s become used to. 

Jan falls asleep on the pillow of Jackie’s thigh, gentle fingers entangled in her hair. She wakes up when an hour has past, Jackie tells her, and it’s to the sound of Nicky’s brash chuckles. They come from across the lake, loud and raucous. Gigi and Crystal are no longer sitting on the rock that they had been but are instead floating lazily around the lake with Gigi grinning towards the clouds. Jaida is stalking towards them with water dripping off of her skin and Nicky is already moving to follow her, clutching what Jan assumes is at least her fourth or fifth beer. 

“Janice!”. Nicky yells. 

Jan pulls herself reluctantly up from Jackie’s lap. 

“Nicky!”. 

“If I get you another beer will you come for a swim?”. Nicky pouts. 

She kneels on the blanket in front of Jan and Jackie, smirks hopefully and patiently. Her hair is stuck to her back, her bangs having been pushed off of her face, and Jan is gracious enough to not point out the scratch marks on her hips or the bruises that Jaida has sucked into the skin of her neck. Jackie isn’t so kind, and she nods towards them with a cocked eyebrow, her tongue poking out between her teeth. 

“You sure look like you’ve been having fun”. Jackie beams. 

Nicky doesn’t shy away from it. 

“You would know”. She drawls. 

It makes Jan blush, red and pink across her cheeks and chest. Jackie cackles heartily, and pulls Jan up by a sturdy grip on her hand when Nicky begins walking back towards the lake. She dunks her head under to wet her hair again, and Jaida follows her, now holding two fresh bottles of beer. She pops them both with a bottle opener that she keeps on a keychain and tosses the caps back into the cooler near the RV. Jaida hands one each to Jan and Jackie when they first step foot in the lake and the chill of it is refreshing. 

Gigi and Crystal swim towards them too. All six of them gather in a circle, and Jan feels grounded by Jackie’s hand that settles on the small of her back. Nicky and Jaida are pressed hip to hip, and Gigi links one arm with Crystal’s while she nudges Jan’s side with the other. Jan looks up at her as she wraps her lips around the rim of the bottle, and shakes her head because this is  _ new _ . 

As far as Jan knows, the only woman that Gigi’s ever kissed is Nicky. It had happened in a Vegas hotel on Jan’s twenty-first birthday when they’d all had one too many glasses of champagne, and it had been laughed off amongst the hangovers that they’d been stuck with. Nicky had been baffled when she’d discovered that Gigi had survived an all girls catholic school without so much as making out with a girl before, and Jan had agreed. She’d been telling Gigi the same thing for as long as she’s known her. 

But then there’s Crystal, and the looks that they share, as well as the kisses and fumbled sex that Jan has witnessed first hand. It’s messy and unexpected, but Jan feels nothing but happiness for her. If Gigi has been facing any inner conflict about liking women - liking  _ Crystal _ \- then she doesn’t show it, and Jan thinks that it’s refreshing. She’d been through the wringer of questioning why men did nothing for her when she was a teenager and it fills Jan with hope when Gigi seemingly doesn’t have to do that. 

“Y’all-”. Jaida starts. 

She lifts her bottle of beer, motions for the others to join her. 

“-I ain’t know how I was roped into this, but you’re all fucking crazy and I  _ love _ it”. She admits. 

At her words, Jackie hums in agreement. She’s the first to clank her bottle against Jaida’s, and nods her head slowly. They all begin tapping their bottles against one anothers and Jan has to hold back a gasp when Jackie’s hand begins travelling lower. It slips from the small of her back, her fingertips dragging along the hem of her bikini bottoms. Jackie keeps her expression neutral and Jan makes the conscious decision to shift closer to her. 

“I’ll cheers to that”. Jackie chuckles.

“Me too!-”. Nicky adds. 

“-I love you,  _ salopes _ ”. 

Jan snorts openly. 

“Hey-”. Crystal whines. 

“-What does  _ that _ mean?”. 

“Sluts-”. Jackie narrows her eyes. 

“-She called us sluts”. She laughs. 

_ Jackie speaks french _ , Jan notes. It’s not surprising. Jan is learning not to be surprised about anything that she learns of Jackie. She’d only discovered that Jackie works as a freelance photographer that same morning when she’d pulled out her Canon 35mm, had begun snapping a series of pictures of Jan drinking her way through a glass of water. She’d explained to her afterwards that she and Crystal - a performance artist - have been working on a collaborative show for the early half of the summer and Jan had made a promise to visit it when it opens in the fall. 

It’s tentative, but she thinks she’ll keep it. 

“Meant with love”. Nicky tells them. 

Jan knows that it is. 

They all spread back out across the lake after that, but Jan stays at Jackie’s side. Jackie’s hand has slowly slipped beneath the hem of her bikini bottoms, and presses against her ass. It doesn’t move from there, but it doesn’t need to. Jackie has her other arm slung around Jan’s shoulders and the neck of the beer that she’s still holding is cold against Jan’s shoulder blade. Jan holds her own bottle in the small space that remains between them and lifts it to take a gulp.

Jackie copies her, and then they’re back to where they were. 

“What’re we doing?”. Jan breathes. 

“Nothing-”. Jackie smirks. 

“-I’m just trying to work out whether I should kiss you now or wait for you to make the first move”. 

Her grin is wide, and stretches across her face. It’s almost smug to start with, but there’s a want there too. Jan knows because she feels it throughout her own body, in the way that Jackie pulls her hips against her own. The glass of the beer bottle is warming against her skin and Jan thinks that it’s fitting. She takes another sip, and it’s not as cold as it was when Jaida had first handed it to her, fresh out of the cooler. Jackie’s breath smells like her own tastes and Jan doesn’t care how it happens but she  _ does _ want to kiss Jackie. 

And she thinks that it’s going to happen. 

Until Nicky interrupts them. 

“Ladies!-”. She calls. 

“-Tops off!”. 

Jan looks up, momentarily startled. She’s more than a little flustered, and Jackie notices. Nicky is halfway across the lake, standing with her bikini top scrunched into the palm of her hand. She laughs openly, splashes the water around herself. Her bikini ends up getting thrown to the bank of the lake and Jan has to roll her eyes as Jaida follows her, discarding her own, before Crystal and Gigi do the same. 

She can feel Jackie’s chest vibrating with laughter, her grip on Jan’s ass tightening. She hums in approval while sipping at her beer and shrugs her shoulders casually. Jackie doesn’t look phased, not by the sight of the four girls topless or the prospect of removing her own. She looks to Jan as Nicky hollers her encouragements, and her hand travels up from Jan’s bikini bottoms to the singular string holding her top in place. 

“Can I?”. Jackie checks. 

Jan throws caution to the wind. 

“Oh, please do”. She grins. 

The tie unravels easily. 

Jan lets it drop between them, and Jackie tosses it away for her. The fabric is a striped red and it floats on the surface of the water. Jan watches it move further and further away from them but when she looks back to Jackie, her eyes have darkened. Nicky is still loud in the background. Jan tunes her out in favour of listening to the way that Jackie’s breath hitches, and the sight of Jackie reaching between them to undo her own top. It drops as unceremoniously as Jan’s had and then all that’s between them is a ripple of water. 

“You should kiss me now”. Jan confirms. 

They’re submerged in water up to their waists, and Jackie curls an arm easily around her. She kisses her softly, their chests pressed together and pads of her fingertips splayed out across the small of Jan’s back. The bottle that she’s still barely holding onto is resting against Jan’s shoulder blade, and it’s more than Jan’s able to say for her own. She’d let it drop into the lake, sink to the bottom of it as Jackie’s lips had connected with her own and hadn’t bothered to make any attempt at getting it back. 

Jackie’s lips move against her own. Jan tangles her fingers in Jackie’s hair that’s a little longer now that it’s wet. Her curls have stretched out into soft waves and the smell of her almond shampoo has come back full force. She licks into Jan’s mouth, and Jan mewls a tender affirmation. With their small height difference, Jackie’s nipples press hard into the space between Jan’s collarbones and the swells of her breasts, and Jan can feel herself needing to clench her thighs together at the realisation. 

They only pull away from each other when they’re met with a splash of water being directed at them. 

“Gigi!-”. Jan cackles. 

“-We were in the middle of something!”. 

Gigi simply swims away with a devilish grin on her face, and Jackie pulls her back into another kiss. They share more as the sun begins to set, and when all six of them are huddled back into the RV later that night, sharing a takeout from a Korean restaurant that they’d found, Nicky looks at them all fondly. She has a dopey smile upon her face, and Jan thinks that if they all had mirrors they’d see it reflected in their own expressions. 

Nicky takes a sip of her iced tea, and then sighs dramatically. 

“Fuck, I love women”. 


	3. burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan is burning. 
> 
> The sun beats down on her strongly, and her skin reddens before fading to gold. She sunburns at the lake on day five but by the end of that week, and after having Jackie rub copious amounts of aftersun into her back, she’s left with a deeper tan and sun bleached highlights in her hair. Jackie rakes her fingers through them as they talk into the early hours of each morning and Jan thinks that the intensity between them could be enough to scorch her all over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello!! I think this is the longest I've gone without updating in a while, but this one is fun!! it was a nightmare to write and I have no idea why but I'm very happy with how it turned out so I hope y'all like it too!! as always, thank you so much for all of the lovely comments on the last ch! it means a lot!! 
> 
> let me know your thoughts and feelings!<3
> 
> ps, pls do your drugs responsibly :))

Jan is burning. 

The sun beats down on her strongly, and her skin reddens before fading to gold. She sunburns at the lake on day five but by the end of that week, and after having Jackie rub copious amounts of aftersun into her back, she’s left with a deeper tan and sun bleached highlights in her hair. Jackie rakes her fingers through them as they talk into the early hours of each morning and Jan thinks that the intensity between them could be enough to scorch her all over again. 

There’s an attraction between them, a physical yearning that they haven’t acted upon with the exception of languid kisses, touches that want to go further but ultimately don’t. They press themselves against each other in the bed that they share at the back of the RV, and sometimes when they kiss too wantonly Jan is able to feel the heat of Jackie pressing against her thigh through her underwear. Jan leans into it every time but Jackie will always ease her back into the mattress, whisper a patient  _ not now, not here _ . 

And despite the occasional complaint on her part, Jan understands. Because she knows that Jackie would pull sounds from her that she wouldn’t be able to stifle, and it’s not an experience that Jan wants to have to dim down. Jackie promises that they’ll work it out, even if they have to check into a motel or make the others scarce from the RV for a handful of hours. Jan has spent more time thinking about it than she cares to admit but it’s hard not to when Jackie is the combination of all of the good that she’s ever seen in women. 

Most nights, Jackie will be the last one awake with Jan, driving to their parking spot for the night. She’ll sit in the passenger seat with a joint gripped loosely between her fingers and her feet resting on the dash, and will lean over to kiss Jan with her mouth tasting of smoke. Jan breathes it in every time and when they eventually park up, Jan will often clamber across the seats, straddle Jackie’s lap and kiss her while Jackie’s hands travel across her back, beneath her shirt. 

It becomes a routine of sorts, but then when they’re over a week and a half into the trip, Jackie offers to drive. Jan lets her with a tired smile, and hands over the keys as Nicky and Jaida as well as Crystal and Gigi head to the living area. She makes herself comfortable in the seat next to Jackie and toes off her sandals to curl her legs beneath herself. Jackie pulls a blanket from the bed that they’re still sharing and Jan drapes it across her lap, holds it tight to her chest. 

They leave both windows rolled down half way. 

The highway that they drive along is well lit despite being relatively quiet, and it means that Jan’s able to look at Jackie as she drives, keeps her eyes focused intently on the road ahead. Her concentration is better than Jan’s has ever been when she’s had Jackie sitting in her passenger seat, and it’s both enviable and admirable. Jackie hums along quietly to the radio as Jan sings the lyrics under her breath, and they’ll both agree to change the station if neither of them recognise what’s playing. 

When they’re around an hour into their drive,  _ The chain _ by Fleetwood Mac plays and both of them sing along louder than they should. Jan also mimes the actions of playing the bass guitar solo and when they reach a stop light, Jackie joins her. Gigi shouts an irritated  _ shut up, lesbians _ from the back of the RV but Jan thinks that getting to watch Jackie snort in laughter as she presses her foot to the gas once more is worth it. 

They pick up speed along the highway, and when they’re cruising comfortably, Jackie reaches to rest a hand on Jan’s thigh. She weaves it beneath the blanket that’s still thrown across Jan’s lap, under the loose hem of her cotton shorts. Jan smiles at her, bashfully, and covers Jackie’s hand with her own. Their fingers knit together, and Jan’s are a little cold in the evening air but Jackie’s are warm. A thumb strokes across her knuckles and Jan lifts both of their hands to place a kiss to Jackie’s wrist. 

When Jackie pulls her hand away to shift gears, Jan misses it. 

She doesn’t tell her and doesn’t plan to, because it’s easier to sink back into her seat and look at Jackie than it is to try and articulate each of her thoughts. Jackie’s hands grip at the steering wheel and Jan  _ definitely _ doesn’t think about them beyond that, doesn’t imagine how they would feel trailing across the sections of Jan’s bare skin that she’s yet to touch. Jan’s had them against her waist, her neck, her back and her thighs. She’s even felt them on her ass and the swells of her breasts but when she thinks about the possibility of them curling up inside of her she has to divert her gaze. 

Jackie sits next to her, blissfully unaware. 

She’s wearing a denim shirt, half unbuttoned and tucked into a pair of loose, orange flares. Jan knows that Nicky has a pair that are similar, but Nicky doesn’t wear them like Jackie does, with a floral belt slung around her waist. Her hair has curled up from the shower that she’d taken earlier in the evening, and her bangs swoop outwards from her face as she’s hit by the draft blowing through the open window. Jan’s able to smell her almond shampoo as well as the pine air freshener that they’d picked up from a gas station, and the combination makes her feel heady. 

Jackie tells her that they’ve been driving for two hours when another song reaches its bridge. Jan becomes unable to hide her surprise because  _ two hours _ has felt like ten minutes. They laugh together as they park beneath a canopy of oaks and sycamores, and when Jan moves to straddle Jackie in the driver's seat, they roll the windows closed so that they’re able to sink into the warmth. Jan’s thighs bracket Jackie’s waist while Jackie’s hands press firmly against Jan’s back. They kiss hotly, almost filthily, and they only pull away when Jan leans a little too far back, her shoulders drawing a whine from the car horn. 

Jackie’s body jumps beneath her, but Jan doesn’t have time to laugh at it. 

Gigi is already peeling back the curtain that separates them from the rest of the RV, looking pointedly between the both of them. 

“If you bitches don’t shut up I swear to  _ god _ I’m making you take me to the nearest airport so I can get the next fucking flight back to California”.

Jackie just chuckles, pulls Jan back in for another kiss. Her lips press against Jan’s and Jan makes a show out of moaning audibly, bucking her hips into Jackie’s. Gigi huffs dramatically as she yanks the curtain shut when she turns to leave, and Jan pulls away to the sight of Jackie’s rosy cheeks and pupils that are blown wide. Jan places one last peck to her jaw, and then calls over Jackie’s shoulder. 

“G’night, Geege!”.

*****

Jackie awakens to Jan’s breath on her cheek. 

The RV is silent, with the exception of soft snores that rumble from Jan’s chest. Jackie’s unable to hear any quiet chatter coming from Gigi and Crystal or Nicky and Jaida and from that fact alone she takes that it’s early. Early enough for the space around her to still be tinted a silvery blue, and early enough for her bones to not complain about the position that she’s twisted into on the mattress. One of her arms is tucked beneath Jan’s head and the other is sprawled out on the other side of them, her hand buried by a crocheted blanket. 

Jan stirs slowly. It starts with her snores coming to a halt, and ends with her eyes locking with Jackie’s. In between, Jackie watches her, and tries not to make it weird. The sun outside grows to be pink, and when it mixes with the floral of the curtains that cover the windows it leaves them dripping in sweet peach. Jan’s hair is sugary nectarines and Jackie quietly marvels at the way the apricot of her sunburn intermingles with each of the new freckles that the days in the sun have brought out on her. 

They’d begun as just clusters on the bridge of her nose, and from there had spread to her cheeks, her forehead and her shoulders that Jackie drops kisses to. Jackie has noticed a scattering of them that are forming across her chest too and she watches them rise and fall with each of Jan’s exhales. Her breaths get shorter the more that she comes to her senses, and Jackie makes sure to greet her with a smile when her bleary eyes first open. 

Jan is quick to snap them back closed. She makes a sound, an unintelligible grumble into Jackie’s hair. Jackie lets her grapple onto the last shreds of the early morning dark as Jan adjusts and then whispers out a  _ good morning _ that Jan reciprocates. She places a kiss to the juncture between the base of Jackie’s neck and her shoulder, and hooks a leg across Jackie’s waist. Her skin is soft despite the prickle of her leg hair that’s growing in and Jackie likes it, likes how Jan keeps her close. 

She rolls onto her back, pulls Jackie with her. Their legs slot together and Jan’s eyes are still closed but she’s smiling, widely. Jackie drops a kiss first to her forehead and then her cheek, before slinking down towards her shoulders. They’re all skin on skin. For the start of the first week they’d slept in nighties and sweated through them by morning in the summer heat, but after their day at the lake they’d both given in. Jan had crawled into bed that night wearing nothing but a pair of panties and Jackie had followed her, any pretenses having been abandoned. 

Jackie lays between Jan’s legs and rests her chin on her stomach. She looks up to Jan with a soft smile and tired eyes, and Jan drags her fingers backwards through Jackie’s curls. Jan’s own hair is fanned out across the pillow that’s been squashed under the weight of her head, and from this angle Jackie is able to see how the sun makes her brown eyes brighter. Each beam reflects in her irises, and then circles around her pupils. Jackie blinks slowly, traces each of Jan’s freckles on her chest with her lips. 

“We should get up if you wanna’ join the girls for breakfast”. She smiles.

Jackie punctuates her words by laving her tongue up from Jan’s sternum, to her neck. Jan’s pulse point thrums erratically, and Jackie is met with her fingers tightening in her hair. Her nails drag at roots and Jackie lets herself be pulled into a kiss. It’s their first of the morning but Jackie knows that it won’t be their last. Jan is already keening after her, chasing her lips and locking her ankles at the apex of her spine. They stay there, and Jackie licks her way easily into Jan’s mouth. 

She tastes like last night's almosts and today's probabilities. 

“Ten more minutes”. Jan mewls. 

Jackie shakes her head despite herself. 

“Five”. She argues. 

But Jan isn’t letting it go. She huffs, adamantly, and settles her hands on Jackie’s waist. There, they squeeze gently, and Jan cranes her neck only to tilt her head charmingly to the side. Her eyes seem to traipse the entire length of Jackie’s body, and Jackie swears that Jan’s freckles creep onto her skin from the point that her thumb strokes at Jan’s cheek. Each one makes Jackie focus on her for a second longer, and Jan speaks quickly between kisses.

“Ten”. Jan repeats.

Jackie - with Jan’s lips on hers - doesn’t disagree. 

“Fine”. 

*****

Ten minutes becomes an hour. 

By the time that they pull themselves from under the covers, Nicky and Jaida have already wandered to a local cafe and picked up breakfast sandwiches for the six of them. Crystal and Gigi are huddled together on a picnic bench that sits on the edge of the RV parking lot,and are pressed shoulder to shoulder. Nicky walks to sit next to them, brown paper bag in hand, while Jaida sits on the opposite side next to Jan and Jackie. She sets down a tray with five cups of coffee, already clutching hers in her free hand. 

Jaida drinks half of it down, and Jan watches her. 

They eat their way through their sandwiches in relative silence. Gigi makes a comment about Jaida needing the coffee because of lack of sleep, and when Jan asks her why, she’s met with a raucous laugh from Nicky. She tells Jan that they’d all been pulled from their slumbers the night prior when Jan’s back had hit the horn of the steering wheel, and hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep to the sounds of giggles and wanting kisses. Crystal had been an exception; she’d been smoking for the majority of the day and had passed out before midnight, her face buried into a pillow. 

Jan isn’t often embarrassed, but this time she blushes scarlet, hides her face in Jackie’s hair. Jackie embraces it as she often does and smirks proudly, keeps a firm hand planted high on Jan’s leg. Her fingers curl around the inside of it, and Jan finishes off her sandwich with a warning glance to her left. Predictably, Jackie isn’t looking at her. Her touch moves as if on its own accord though Jan knows that it’s entirely intentional. She’s engrossed in a conversation with Gigi and Crystal about a suggested hike, and is talking so animatedly that Jan’s concerned for the welfare of the coffee cup in her other hand. 

“A hike?”. Jaida wrinkles her nose. 

Nicky too is rolling her eyes.

“Yeah!-”. Crystal beams. 

“-There’s a trail that we can follow, or not follow, or kinda’ follow but not  _ really _ ”. She rambles. 

Her hands wave as wildly as Jackie’s do. 

It’s one of the multitude of things that Jan’s noticed that they have in common. They share many traits, like their inability to talk without gesticulating rashly and how they’re tactile, affectionate. They also laugh in the same way - tilting their heads back, breathing with all of the air in their lungs - and Jan guesses that it’s testament to the years of friendship that they have behind them. 

Jan has learnt over midnight drives and cans of Cola that they’ve known each other since Jackie had first moved to the city for college, and have leant on each other like the family that they’ve become for just as long. They’ve forged something where they’re able to live and work together, support each other in a way that Jan doesn’t have to ask about in order to understand. She shares something similar with Nicky and Gigi and it’s crossed over into how the six of them have begun to coexist within the four walls of the RV. 

“Fuck that-”. Jaida shakes her head.

“-I’ll come on a walk but I ain’t going on no damn hike, y’all”. She points a finger. 

Crystal narrows her eyes.

“Aren’t they… the same thing?”. 

Her question is said in earnest, but Jan has to bite back a laugh. Gigi rolls her eyes fondly and Nicky tosses her empty scrunched up wrapper in Crystal's direction. It hits her square in the nose, tumbles onto the table in front of her, and when she looks around for backup she finds it only in Gigi’s subtle smirk. Jaida, having finished her own coffee, eagerly reaches for Nicky’s that is offered to her. She drinks her way through the sweetness of it and by the time that she looks up, she appears more alert.

“Sure, Crys”. Gigi appeases. 

“Maybe-”. Jackie interjects. 

“-Somewhere between a walk and a hike? How about that?”. She rationalisies. 

Jan thinks that it’s so typical of Jackie to suggest a solution that satisfies - mostly satisfies - everybody. She’s not a people pleaser, not to her core, but she likes conflict as much as Jan likes the winter, and Jan doesn’t like the winter at all. Nicky looks hopeful and Gigi is smiling, nodding her head as Crystal remains perplexed. Her brow is furrowed, twisted into a knot that Gigi tries to undo with a kind simper. 

“Better”. Jaida hums. 

“You in?”. Nicky asks her. 

“We are!-”. Jan voices.

“-Right Jacks?”.

Jackie’s enthusiasm is poignant, and she nods excitedly. One of her hands is still gripping at Jan’s thigh, her thumb stroking across the light, downy blonde hair there. Jan’s sure that Jackie intends for the touches to be innocent, or at least more innocent than they feel to Jan, but she has to press her legs together to stop Jackie’s touch roaming further under the hem of her sundress. Nicky eyes them suspiciously and Jan blames the weather for the beads of sweat that are gathering on her chest. 

“Right”. 

Blatantly smug, Jackie nods her head. 

They’re quick to wrap up breakfast after that, with Gigi demanding that she needs her morning shower even as Nicky promises her that she’ll be scorching again within the hour. It’s midway through July and they’re on the border of Texas, heading into Louisiana. Trees surround them for miles and Jan knows that the people that they’re going to encounter are few and far between. There are only three other RV’s in the same parking lot and Jan would be willing to bet that they’re all spread out across the wooded area, tents pitched and drink coolers open. 

Gigi takes her shower anyway, because she’s Gigi, and it’s another hour before the six of them are standing next to a signpost, debating which trail to follow. Nicky and Jaida make their case for taking the blue trail which is marked as the easiest, with mostly flat ground and easily visible pathways. Crystal argues instead for yellow which will pose steeper inclines but lead them eventually to picturesque green clearings and floral fields that are less than two hours away.

Jan has no real preference, she tells herself, until Jackie opts to bring her camera. 

And then her decision is easy. 

*****

“Crystal, I am  _ not _ doing fucking shrooms”. 

It’s Crystal’s idea, because of course it is. They settle in a clearing of short grass and daisies towards the end of the trail, having taken a handful of detours. It’d taken them longer than the two hours specified to get there, but once they’d gotten past Gigi complaining every step of the way about sweating through her clothes, and Nicky’s dramatic  _ I told you so’s _ , it had been easy. Crystal had bounded confidently ahead of them and Jackie had just sat back, watched as Jan glided in front of her. 

She’s wearing a polka-dot sundress that Jackie’s unable to take her eyes off of, and a pair of chunky white sneakers that highlight the muscles of her calves. They flex with each step that she takes and Jackie is almost disappointed when they sprawl back amongst the flowers, Crystal already rifling through her red, leather satchel with a grin. It’s something that Jackie’s able to see coming; she has the upper hand of understanding how and why Crystal is Crystal. 

The others aren’t as prepared. 

“Look what I’ve got!”. She sings. 

It takes a moment for Jan to turn her head, frown and then laugh. 

“Where did you get those?!”. 

Crystal waves her hand dismissively, all the while still grinning. She’s holding the clear bag proudly, her smirk almost devilish. Gigi is blinking dumbly from her position at her side and Jackie doesn’t ask because she doesn’t want to know, doesn’t care to know. Crystal functions purely on impulse and though Jackie isn’t entirely indifferent, she likes to think that she’s the slightest bit more cautious even if she isn’t. Nicky and Jaida are looking sceptical but Jan and Gigi are sharing a look that Jackie recognises. 

“Who cares-”. Crystal drawls. 

“-It’ll be fun, babies!”. 

Nicky visibly shivers.

“Unless you can put those in a quiche for me, I’m going to pass-”. She laughs. 

“-They taste like dirt”. 

“I’m with her-”. Jaida adds quickly. 

“-I don’t wanna’ be seeing purple grass or talking butterflies”. She chuckles.

At that, Jan looks sold. She’d been smiling before, nodding slowly at Gigi, but now she’s beaming. Jackie takes in the cherry stain that she’s applied to her lips and the dusting of blush that she’s swept across her cheeks. It mingles with her freckles and Jackie isn’t high yet but staring at Jan makes her feel like she is. She nods her head eagerly, and reaches out for the bag that Crystal’s offering her. Crystal hands it over with an elated cheer and if Jackie wasn’t on board already then she is now. 

“Purple grass? That’s exactly what I want to see”. Jan confirms. 

Crystal looks proud, happy. 

“I knew you’d be fun”. She muses. 

Nicky - with a smirk already blooming like the daisies on the ground - turns to Jaida. Jackie doesn’t hear the words that she mumbles, but she doesn’t need to when Jaida is laughing, nodding her head and standing with flushed cheeks. Nicky follows her wordlessly, picks up the blanket that they’d laid down atop the grass. She folds it neatly into the tote bag that Jaida wears on her shoulder, then looks firstly to Jan, followed by Jackie, and then Crystal and Gigi. 

In that order. 

“Well-”. Nicky turns to leave, Jaida’s hand in hers. 

“-If the RV’s empty for a couple of hours, we’ll go have our own  _ fun _ ”. 

*****

Over an hour passes.

In that time Jan gets high, and realises that Jackie is pretty. She also realises that the grass  _ is _ purple and watches as Gigi and Crystal quickly make themselves scarce. They claim that they want to reach the end of the trail, find a secluded spot of their own, but Jan knows that it’s because they see Jackie looking between her and the flowers as if they’re both equally as ethereal. Jan knows because she’s looking at Jackie with the same intensity, hot and fiery. 

Yet still, everything is calm. They’ve moved to sit beneath a willow, and have laid out a plaid blanket beneath them. It’s made up of washed out greens and seaside blues, and Jackie stretches her legs out across it as she rests her back against the trunk of the tree. Jan kneels next to her, sheltered by the overhanging branches, and takes in their surroundings that feel heightened in a way that has her reaching towards the bark of the tree, dragging her fingers across it. 

It’s rough to the touch, but Jan swears that she’s able to feel every groove, each indentation. Jackie’s own expression is in awe of the blades of grass that tickle her palms, and she tells Jan as much as she grabs for her camera, winds the film. She also keeps a tan, leather bound sketchbook in her satchel, and Jan knows each step of her routine down to a fine detail. It consists of documenting the number of each picture, and giving them vague titles. Jackie had told her during one of their early morning drives that it’s been key to removing the guesswork from her developing process, and Jan’s not going to argue with her about it when she looks as good as she does worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, pen scrawling at a blank page. 

She titles one  _ daisy girl _ , and another simply  _ Jan _ . 

Jan’s eyes follow each line that she scribbles. The ink is black, but Jan is seeing pinks and reds and yellows and blues. They mix with the purple of the grass and combined with the softness of Jackie’s arm that she presses herself against, they make Jan feel as if she’s weightless. Her knees give out from beneath her, and she sits with her legs folded across Jackie’s lap. Jackie is still mindlessly snapping pictures - sometimes of Jan, sometimes the surroundings, often both - and Jan hyperfixates on each of her movements. 

She starts at her hands. 

Jackie grips her pen between her thumb, index and middle fingers. There are green veins travelling through her wrist and across the back of her hand, her knuckles. If Jan looks close enough then they begin to intertwine with the leaves hanging above them, like vines that get tangled between her bones. Jan reaches out to touch them, hoping to get lost in them too, only to have Jackie smirk and drop her pen to her side. 

“ _ Jackie- _ ”. Jan whines. 

“-I’m lonely”. She exaggerates. 

She says it playfully, with a light lilt to her voice. It makes Jackie look up from where she’s flicking through her sketchbook, even if it’s only for a brief second. Her eyes rake across Jan’s frame, from her sundress that’s tight across her chest to where it cuts high on her thighs. Jan has positioned herself so that it rides up further but Jackie says nothing about it. She nods her head curtly, lifts her hand. Jan observes, entranced as she licks her tongue across the edge of the thumb, uses the grip that her spit gives her in order to turn another page of her sketchbook. 

Jan becomes unable to tear her eyes away. Not from the pink of her tongue that still sticks out from between her teeth or from her fingers that splay out on one of the cream pages. Jan looks at the way that it seems to melt with each of her touches, and how the paleness of the paper contrasts to the tan of Jackie’s skin that Jan thinks deepens with each second that she spends in the sun. She looks like bronze, like gold, and sparkles as much as the glitter that Jan’s mind is telling her is sprinkled between the daisies, the sprigs of grass and willow leaves. 

“There’s no one around”. Jackie’s voice is deep. 

_ Sultry _ . 

“No one at all”. Jan echoes. 

Jackie does nothing apart from hum in response. It’s frustrating, agonising to the point that Jan knows that the slick building between her thighs isn’t just sweat anymore. She’s unable to blame the heat outside for how her nipples are hardening, becoming visible through the thin cotton of her dress. She can’t blame it for having to press her legs together either, not when Jackie’s looking at her with her tongue ghosting across her bottom lip, and then against her thumb as she turns another page. 

“Ok-”. Jan decides. 

She pushes herself back onto her knees, coaxes the book from Jackie’s hands. 

“-Enough of that”. 

Her words are defiant. She straddles Jackie in one swift motion, the earth feeling as if it’s moving beneath her, like waves of sluggish magma. Jackie doesn’t look surprised or even the slightest bit startled and Jan takes it as a sign that Jackie has been waiting for her to give in, to act on the want that they’ve already acknowledged. Her hands settle themselves easily on Jan’s hips, and Jan is grinding down onto Jackie’s lap before their lips have even touched. 

Or even come close. 

Jackie is weaving a hand into Jan’s hair, and is tugging so that her neck is exposed. Jackie’s lips skim against her jaw and then her earlobe, before they drag down to her neck. Jan swallows as she peppers kisses to the skin there, and licks at a droplet of sweat that Jan’s able to feel running down from her hairline, aiming for her collarbones. It gets stopped by Jackie’s tongue and Jan is whining openly, audibly, no longer concerned about anybody hearing them; she knows that the nearest people for miles are Crystal and Gigi and Jan trusts them to know their place. 

Jan plants her hands on Jackie’s shoulders. The contrast between the softness of Jackie’s skin and her rugged dungarees is amplified, but Jan is still stupefied by how Jackie had chosen to wear nothing but her cotton bra under them that morning and is still managing to make it look good, alluring. The blue of the denim is a perfect opposite to the orange tint that she’s wearing on her lips and Jan leans in to kiss her, to make smudges of red and orange and lust. 

Jackie is the first to make a sound. She grunts into the kiss, and in response Jan mewls, slips her tongue into her mouth. Jackie is warm, pliant yet strong, and she’s rumpling the fabric of Jan’s dress up to her waist. Jan tucks the hem of it into the bottom of her bra so that it doesn’t fall back down, and Jackie grins with her lips now sucking purple marks into the swells of Jan’s breasts. They feel as if they’re engulfing the entirety of her body, and Jan has to fight against the want of her muscles to bend double when Jackie palms her through her panties. 

“You’re so pretty”. Jackie mumbles. 

And as nice as it is to hear, Jan is preoccupied. 

“Tell me later”. She groans. 

Jackie, apparently understanding Jan’s impatience, agrees wordlessy. She pulls Jan’s panties to the side, but then slides them down her thighs when she decides that she needs better access. Jan giggles into the crown of Jackie’s head and doesn’t attempt to remove them from where they stay, stretched around her knees. They’re impractical but they’ll have to do, she reasons; her eyes are falling closed to the sound of Jackie’s smug chuckle that she makes when her fingers first slip between Jan’s folds. 

“You’re so wet”. She husks. 

Jan cants her hips. 

“Jackie”. 

“What do you want, Jan?-”. She teases. 

“-Fingers? Hm?”. 

Jan nods her head, too far gone to utter any words that aren’t  _ yes _ or  _ please _ or  _ Jackie _ . She digs her nails into the skin of Jackie’s shoulders, and Jackie keeps her face buried in Jan’s chest. Her fingers are rubbing circles into her clit but then they’re dipping down further and yes,  _ that’s _ what Jan wants. She bucks her hips so that Jackie knows, so that she understands that Jan needs her fingers inside of her. Jackie licks at a droplet of sweat running down Jan’s sternum and as she does so, the grass goes from purple to white, hot pleasure. 

Jackie fucks her hard from the beginning. Jan’s wet enough that she doesn’t feel the burn of the two fingers that Jackie curls up inside of her, and then eventually the three. The muscles of her arm are twisting, flexing, and Jan feels it all the way up to where her hands are still clinging to Jackie’s shoulders. She tries not to think about all of the times that she’s imagined it happening before, because each image that she’d had doesn’t hold a candle to the way that Jackie is propping a hand on her hip, encouraging Jan to ride her fingers. 

“C’mon-”. Jackie prods.

“-You want it? _Take_ _it_ ”. 

So Jan does. 

She rides Jackie’s fingers eagerly, takes every ounce of pleasure that she’s able to get from her. Jan feels like she’s one with the daisies and denim and Jackie looks at her with her mouth agape when she crooks her fingers like Jan asks. They hit deep inside of her, but Jan doesn’t glance away from Jackie’s eyes even as her movements come to a halt. Jackie fucks her in exactly the way that Jan needs but can’t take for herself and then she’s coming, letting her legs relax and her head drop to Jackie’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I’m-”. 

“Yeah?”.

“Fuck, Jackie”. Jan moans. 

“There you go-”. Jackie kisses her softly.

"-Easy". 

After Jan comes, Jackie gives her a moment, and then reaches for her camera. Jan knows that she must look disheveled, her dress pushed up to her waist and panties on show, but when Jackie arches an eyebrow, seeking out permission, Jan nods her head dumbly. Jan takes Jackie's fingers into her mouth, sucks and gazes with hooded doe eyes into the lens of her camera. 

The shutter clicks only once.

“That-”. Jackie muses off-handedly. 

“-Is going to be the best picture I’ve ever taken”. 

  
  
  



	4. warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh my god-”. Jan can hear her voice slurring. 
> 
> “-Dancing queen! It’s dancing queen! I’m the dancing queen, Jackie!”. She drawls.
> 
> Her vision is blurry, but Jackie holds her steady. She keeps her arms firstly around Jan’s shoulders and then her waist, toying with the elastic of her skirt. Jackie pulls the waistband of it experimentally and then it snaps back against Jan’s skin. It tickles, makes Jan giggle, and she drops her head to Jackie’s chest. There, she’s able to feel the vibrations of Jackie’s own laughter, and she pulls away to the sight of Jackie smiling tenderly down at her. 
> 
> “Yes you are”. Jackie softens. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,, it's been 3 weeks, but here!!! it's been a weird time but im v happy with how this ch came out?? ft a lot of soft lesbians and a little existentialism but I promise it all ends well. 
> 
> thank you all also for all of the love on the last ch!!! it never fails to amaze me
> 
> feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments!!!<3

When Jan was younger, she thought being warm meant spending too long in the bathtub and coming out with wrinkled fingers. 

She’d watch them prune through clear, lemon scented bubbles, and then marvel at the way they became smooth again as she laid curled up in bed awaiting sleep. Her mom had always told her not to get  _ too _ warm, as if it was dangerous, and she’d been mindful of her words until warm had taken on a different meaning during her last years of highschool. 

There, warmth had become uncomfortable, but was no longer dangerous. Not in the same way her mom had talked about it. Warm was her skin overheating, sweating beneath the linen of the shirts that all of the girls in her catholic school had to wear Monday through Friday, and occasionally on Sunday’s. The yarn and polyester mix of the sweaters that paired up with them would itch at her neck, causing rashes to form. Jan would strip herself of both of them the instant that she reached the sanctuary of her bedroom, dreading the morning where she’d have to pull them back on. 

She’d gone through college believing the same thing, for the most part. Gone were the uniforms but memories of bitter confessionals and tension filled classes where she’d struggled to digest their religious teachings had stayed. Jan only begins to learn that warmth doesn’t have to be something bad the weeks that she spends with Jackie begin. The RV is hotter than the baths Jan took as a child and she sweats more between the sheets with Jackie than she ever did in her school shirt. Jackie’s hands and kisses take the place of where her tie once sat, tight around her neck, and if it’s warmth that she’s feeling then Jan decides quickly that the cold isn’t for her. 

They spent easy mornings eating breakfast wherever they park. Crystal gets them croissants when they travel through the French Quarter of New Orleans and Nicky berates them with every curse word that Jan’s able to think of. She claims that they could never stand up next to the ones from her hometown of Paris but Jaida devours them eagerly, eats what Nicky doesn’t. They work together and work together well, Jan has realised. Gigi and Crystal work in a similar way despite their disagreements over Crystal’s colour clashing outfits, and Jan and Jackie simply -

\- Are Jan and Jackie. 

They burn together throughout the day and then by the time that the gentleness of the cool summer evenings fall between them, Jan is warm. Jackie’s hand fits comfortably into hers beneath the table while they eat dinner in the living area of the RV. Nicky comments on it every time but Jan says nothing when Nicky slips her own arm around Jaida’s shoulders, or when Crystal slides her leftover french fries in Gigi’s direction. Their forms of affection all differ; Nicky is obvious and Jackie is discrete and Gigi is complicated. 

They’ve arrived in Miami, and have parked their RV in the designated lot for the festival. They’re planning on camping out in one of the allocated fields the following night - it had been Crystal’s idea, backed up by Jan - but Nicky’s insisting on their first night being spent together, in the RV. Jan doesn’t complain and neither does Gigi, for once. She agrees eagerly and contributes more to their conversations that revolve around the performing artists and Jan’s devotion for ABBA than she usually would. 

Gigi puts it down to the the Miami sun but the progress has been happening since California.

“Are y’all excited for tomorrow?”. Jaida asks them. 

The sun is well on its way to setting, and Jan is filled with a distinct excitement. The tips of her fingers are buzzing with it, and she catches Jackie attempting to still them on more than one occasion. She’s already almost spilled her soda cup at least three times, and has sent a pot of ranch - luckily unopened - across Nicky’s lap. Her toes are tapping against the carpet beneath her, through the thick material of her orange fuzzy socks, and she can’t help but beam when Jaida questions them, her cheeks puckering happily. 

“Gorg, I could  _ burst _ ”. 

“Please, do  _ not _ do that”. Nicky deadpans. 

“Nobody gives Jan coffee or she won’t sleep tonight”. Gigi adds. 

Jackie tilts her head back in a laugh, nods in agreement. Her hair is pulled back into a low, messy bun, and when she turns, the loose strands brush against Jan’s shoulders. Jan winds her fingers in the ends of them as she pouts and Jackie lets her do it. She’s never complained about Jan’s tactile nature or about how much she is and compared to other women that Jan’s been with before, it’s refreshing. Jackie leans her head closer just so Jan’s able to wind her fingers tighter and Jan ignores the eye roll that Gigi sends tumbling her way. 

“I won’t be sleeping anyway, but nice try”. Jan bats. 

“Why?-”. Gigi tilts her head. 

“-Because you’ll be too busy sitting on Jackie’s-”. 

“Nope!-”. Jan interjects. 

“-We are absolutely  _ not _ having this conversation when we all have to deal with you and Crystal fucking  _ in the living area _ every night”.

Crystal visibly pales, and then blushes. Gigi is unashamed, like Jan had known she would be, and straightens her shoulders proudly. She looks taller, unaffected, compared to Crystal who’s sipping quietly at her drink. Her lips are puckered tightly around the straw and her short nails are drumming against the wood of the table. Jan watches her amusedly when she sets her soda cup back down, and chances a chuckle as Crystal grapples with her words. 

“You heard that?”. Her voice is timid. 

“Baby-”. Jaida sighs. 

“-We’re in the same room”. 

Jackie is smirking subtly to herself, but Nicky’s more obvious about it, as she is with most things. Crystal’s blush deepens but then she looks to Gigi, and it seems to perk her up. Jaida’s still working her way through a pile of fries and within Nicky helping her out, they’re running low on ketchup. Jan slides her own unopened dip across the table and they both accept it gratefully, Nicky peeling back the lid and dipping a handful of fries at once. 

“If we can’t have sex in an RV full of dykes then where  _ can _ we have sex?”. Gigi smiles politely. 

Jaida raises a hand, points a finger, and then looks towards Jan and Jackie. 

“In a field”.

*****

Jackie sleeps, but not well.

She’s kept awake until the early hours of the morning by Jan who still seems to be brimming over with excitement, and manages to catch the beginnings of the five o’clock sunrise before eventually drifting off. Jan had passed out a little after four, finally wearing herself out, but Jackie had stayed awake just to watch how her freckles had become more visible at the break of dawn. She’d wound herself around Jackie like a rope and Jackie had knotted their legs together, drifted off peacefully. 

They’d woken a handful of hours later, and this time Jackie hadn’t been given the pleasure of basking in Jan’s presence. Nicky and Gigi had already been bustling around the RV, pondering over outfit choices for the festival. Jackie had overheard them talking from her place beneath the duvet covers and had gathered that Gigi wanted to look good while Nicky just wanted to make a statement. Crystal - as Jackie knew she would be - was planning on dousing herself in as much glitter as humanly possible and mixing colours that were never intended to be seen together. 

Jan, as she’s told Jackie, has two options. One is a long, paisley skirt with a slit that comes up to mid thigh, made of oranges and pinks and purples. She has a chiffon, bat winged shirt that she could pair it with and Jackie ends up not hearing many details about the other potential combination because she’s able to tell simply from Jan’s enthusiasm that she’s set on the first one. Jan looks every bit the part when she tugs on both items, laces up her brown suede sandals. Jackie watches her from where she’s brushing her teeth in the small, chrome sink, and turns to her with a grin. 

“Very Stevie Nicks of you”. She observes. 

Jan looks pleased, as if it’s what she had wanted to hear. She beams enthusiastically, and then makes all of the four steps that it takes to be stood at Jackie’s side. She pecks at the dregs of toothpaste that have gathered at the corners of Jackie’s mouth, and hums at the mint that she’s met with. Jackie pulls her back in for another small kiss because Jan is radiant, joyous, and she wants to drink it down for herself. 

“I  _ wish _ I looked like Stevie-”. Jan says, laughing airily. 

“-I’m so fucking excited to see her perform today!”. She squeals. 

Jackie has a hand planted on Jan’s waist. It lands there without either of them thinking about it, as naturally as Jan leans into her space. She’s smiling up at Jackie, through the lavender tinted sunglasses that she has balanced on the bridge of her nose. Jackie pushes them back up for her when they threaten to slip and Jan thanks her with a simper. They pull away from each other only when Nicky shuffles past them complaining about her shoe options and Jackie has to laugh. 

“What about ABBA?”. Jackie asks her.

Jan groans, shakes her head. 

“ABBA! Jesus Jackie I don’t think I’m gonna make it out alive”. She huffs. 

Jan fans her face with her hands, chuckles through her nose. Jaida is walking past the both of them to join Nicky with a pair of woven sandals in hand and Nicky takes them gratefully, with a smile. They’re tan with blue accents from what Jackie’s able to make out and Nicky buckles them with the help of Jaida. The blue matches the necklaces that she’s layered, and Jackie whistles lowly as Jan hollers her approval. Nicky settled on wearing a sheer, lacy floor length dress over only her underwear and Jackie hadn’t expected anything less from her. 

“Yes Nicky!”. Jan cheers. 

“Hot, right?”. Nicky twirls. 

She spins on the spot, the fabric of her dress forming waves at her ankles. Jackie nods her head because Nicky is, and she knows that Jan’s not going to chastise her for agreeing. They all share a dynamic that’s friendly and flirtatious with lines just blurry enough to keep them separated. Jackie knows that at the end of each night that Jan will lay with her as Nicky will with Jaida and Gigi with Crystal, and it means that she feels encouraged and free to support the women that support her. 

“I have some earrings that’ll look so cute on you-”. Crystal interjects. 

She rummages in her pure, hands over a pair of silver and azure drop earrings. They’re big, as wide as Crystal’s palm and as tacky as Jackie had expected. Crystal has always had an affinity for thrift stores and DIY beading kits and it shows in how the left earring has three more stones than the right one. Nicky reaches out for them regardless and Crystal is just high enough to not notice the amused smirk on Nicky’s lips. 

“-Take these!”. She smiles. 

Nicky, leaning against the wall of the RV, smiles her thanks. She clips them through her lobes easily, and despite how initially jarring they’d been to Jackie, she thinks that they work with the ultramarine accents of Nicky’s shoes as well as the necklaces that are catching each fragment of light that bleeds through the open curtains. The glass of the windows ensure that each glint refracts, and then dances, and Jackie looks between the rainbows being projected onto the cream walls and the equally colourful outfit that Crystal’s chosen. 

She’s wearing dark, denim bell bottoms, with more sewn on patches and decals than Jackie’s able to count. There’s yellow stitching across the back pocket that reads  _ peace _ , and floral garlands crawling up the sides of her legs. She’s paired them with a matching jean jacket with only her bright red bra underneath, and Gigi has twisted a couple of small braids throughout the longest parts of her mullet for her. They’ve been secured with small blue and green elastics and she’s doused glitter in similar shades across her body. There are flecks on her chest as well as her cheeks and they crumble behind her like trails of breadcrumbs. 

Gigi, in comparison, is dressed tamely. She’s opted for a navy pinstripe mini skirt that Jackie hasn’t seen her wear before, and has tucked in a sleeveless, high neck sweater. Her hair is scraped back off of her face - Jackie can’t decide if she’s going for classy or practical, or both - but has the same glitter as crystal in streaks across her cheekbones and beneath her brows. 

Jaida is a vision in purple. Her dress is floor length, a jewel toned amethyst, though she’s wearing a pair of chunky platform ankle boots with it because  _ she doesn’t trust the Floridian fields to not be muddy _ . Jackie’s unable to argue with her logic, but doesn’t overthink her own choice of dark brown Birkenstocks. They’re Jan approved, and it doesn’t help that they make her calves look good. She catches Jan staring on more than one occasion throughout the morning and doesn’t bring it up to her until they’re locking up the RV, walking through the already crowded fields and towards the main stage. 

They’re both clutching ice cold bottles of beer, Nicky and Jaida as well as Gigi and Crystal trailing behind them. 

“You’re being really obvious”. She sips at her bottle. 

Jan looks up at her, lips pursed. She feigns innocence but Jackie sees through it to the prominent mischief. Jan shakes her head, hums noncommittally, and Jackie nudges her discreetly with her elbow. Jan continues to say nothing as they round a corner but when she looks up again, she’s shed all of her pretenses. Jackie takes a gulp of her beer to stop herself from commenting on it and stops next to a barrier to allow the remainder of the group to catch up with them. 

“You want me to  _ not _ look at you when you’re that hot? Please”. Jan scoffs. 

And at that, Jackie laughs. 

“Alright-”. Jackie loops an arm around her shoulder.

“-Point made”. 

*****

Jan feels embraced. 

By the crowds and the easiness and by Jackie. 

She’s warm, even in the gentleness of the cool summer evening, and she feels content to tilt her head to the sky. Jan is a drop of water in a sea of people, bodies forming a tsunami that crashes across her. She lets herself be dragged under, comfortable to sink when she’s spent the past month floating across the country. They’ve been dancing for hours, drinking their ways through bottles of beer and falling gracelessly into a haze. Jan is drunk and she’s certain that Jackie is at least tipsy from the way that she’s swaying along to the beginnings of ABBA’s setlist, acquainting herself with the rhythm of  _ take a chance on me _ . 

Fleetwood Mac had been the opening act of the day, and Jan had been sober enough to recall in vivid detail how Jackie had loosened up to the chords of  _ dreams _ , her shoulders becoming less tense. She’d sang along to the chorus - badly and out of tune, admittedly - and had linked arms with Crystal to belt the entirety of  _ go your own way _ when she’d been four beers in. Jan had watched them with a grin, Nicky and Jaida as well as Gigi at her sides, and had dared to pull Jackie into a hold afterwards. 

It’s not something that she’d usually do. 

Normally, Jan avoids overt touches for fear of their repercussions because It’s rarely safe for them as queer women to do so. She knows that it’s the general consensus within the community to be cautious, and has felt the brunt of one too many heckles from onlookers to understand why. She’s been called a dyke by men in bars that were intended to be safe spaces, and even worse by those who have had no place offering out their comments on rusty platters. Jan’s learnt that there is progress to be made and it’s why when she notices groups of women embracing each other like waves lapping at the shore, she tentatively winds her arms around Jackie’s waist. 

Because everyone’s doing the same, so she’s allowed to, too. 

“Dance with me”. She tells Jackie. 

And then louder when Jackie’s unable to hear her over the music. 

“Dance with me, please?”. She sings. 

Her hands gather in the fabric of Jackie’s orange shift dress, and Jackie’s own arms drape around Jan’s neck. Her exaggerated sleeves pool into Jan’s collarbones, and together they sway to the chorus of  _ SOS _ . it reminds Jan of how Nicky had had her moment to Carly Simon’s  _ you’re so vain _ earlier in the day, and how Crystal had all but screamed when Blondie had opened her set with  _ heart of glass _ . With each movement, glitter had descended upon them, and Jan had been caught in the summer shower of blues and greens. 

Their hands travel, and then the colours grow. The orange of Jackie’s dress and the yellow of the eyeshadow that she has dusted across her eyelids mix with the blues and the greens to form a rainbow that Jan wants to find the end of. She’s certain that waiting for her she’d find Jackie, with her eyes as wide as they already are, and the thought makes her cackle drunkenly into the space between them. Jackie chuckles along with her and by the time that the first notes of  _ dancing queen _ begin to chime, the sky is streaked with pink. 

“Oh my god-”. Jan can hear her voice slurring. 

“-Dancing queen! It’s dancing queen!  _ I’m _ the dancing queen, Jackie!”. She drawls.

Her vision is blurry, but Jackie holds her steady. She keeps her arms firstly around Jan’s shoulders and then her waist, toying with the elastic of her skirt. Jackie pulls the waistband of it experimentally and then it snaps back against Jan’s skin. It tickles, makes Jan giggle, and she drops her head to Jackie’s chest. There, she’s able to feel the vibrations of Jackie’s own laughter, and she pulls away to the sight of Jackie smiling tenderly down at her. 

“Yes you are”. Jackie softens. 

Jan’s heart lurches behind her ribcage, and her first instinct is to tug Jackie closer so that she can kiss her. She knows that it isn’t wise, and doesn’t think about it for longer than a fleeting second, but the alcohol fuelled knowledge that she wants Jackie spreads like thick honey through her blood. It’s sweet, as is the way that Jackie takes her by the hand, and begins twirling her around so that Jan’s able to dance along to the first chorus of the song. 

“Go Jan!”. Crystal cries. 

It’s a cheer that’s audible even above the music, and Jan’s reminded not for the first time that day that she feels warm, swaddled by care. Gigi cheers along with her as Jan begins spinning in circles, her arms outstretched and head towards the sky. She keeps her eyes closed to the lyrics _dancing queen,_ _young and sweet_ and feels Jackie’s arms encircle her waist once more when she trips over her own two feet. They’re strong around her, a steadying grip that Jan needs, and she leans into it when the song fades to nothingness along with the night. 

“Easy-”. Jackie chuckles. 

She keeps her voice soft, calm. 

“-Think it’s time for bed, hm?”. 

But Jan doesn’t want to be cold. 

“Noo-”. She whines. 

“-Don’t ‘wanna”. 

Jan is stubborn at the best of times, and she knows it. Jackie shakes her head in what Jan assumes is disbelief but maintains a gentle smile. It’s private, just for Jan, even as they’re still submerged in bodies and the smell of beer on breaths. The tint of Jackie’s orange lipstick has long since smudged away, and Jan can’t imagine that her own pink gloss has fared any better. Jan can feel her head spinning and the ground at her feet plummeting, and the way that she sighs into Jackie’s neck is her quietly admitting defeat. 

“Bed?”. Jackie tries again. 

This time, Jan doesn’t argue. 

She lets Jackie take her by the hand and guide her towards where the other girls have spread out amongst the crowd. First they get to Nicky and Jaida who have been smoking their way through the day, and pull them into embraces that Jan welcomes. Jackie tells Nicky to have a good night and then tells Jaida to make sure that Nicky doesn’t get herself into  _ too _ much trouble. Jaida swears that Jackie has her word and as they’re walking away, Jackie drapes her jacket around Jan’s shoulders. Where the hold of Nicky and Jaida had smelt like smoke and vanilla, Jackie’s cord Jacket is rich with the almond shampoo that she uses; her vision tells her that there are three of Jackie when she looks up at her and Jan doubts she’d mind if it were true. 

“Hey, no-”. Jan attempts to protest. 

“-You’ll get cold”. She motions to Jackie. 

Jackie, already shaking her head, doesn’t take it back. 

Instead she walks the both of them over to where Gigi and Crystal are chugging their beers, and Jan feels safe in the fold of her arm, wrapped up in her. Crystal is the first to spot them, and she waves enthusiastically. Gigi laughs openly as soon as she lays her eyes on how Jan is grinning maniacally despite crumpling like paper into Jackie’s side, and Jan joins in rather than fighting it. 

“Shut up-”. Jan groans. 

“-I’m getting too old for this”.

“You’re twenty two”. Gigi snorts. 

“My point exactly”. Jan drawls. 

“Ok-”. Jackie interrupts. 

She has one hand pressed to her lips to stifle her laughter and the other cupping Jan’s elbow. 

“-It’s  _ really _ time for you to get to bed now”. She laughs. 

Crystal and Gigi agree, and with a few more waves and a handful of promises to meet for breakfast in the RV in the morning, Jan finds herself hand in hand with Jackie, stumbling through fields and towards the campsite. It isn’t far - maybe fifteen, twenty minutes - but Jan is content to walk slowly. The chill of the night air is sobering, and Jackie promises that she remembers where they’d pitched their tent that morning even if Jan doesn’t. She follows Jackie’s lead, past the vendors that are closing for the night and the couples that have strayed to the sides of the pathways that have been cut through the fields. 

“Jacks?”. 

Jan has words on her mind and she has to say them. 

“Mhm?”. 

Jan slinks her arm tighter around Jackie’s waist. 

“Your dad dancing was  _ really _ hot”. 

*****

Jan strips to her underwear as soon as the tent is zipped closed. 

Jackie has to purse her lips to hold back a chuckle at the sight of her, sprawled out across their sleeping bags and blankets and pillows that they’d dragged from the RV. She’s covered in dustings of glitter that she hasn’t managed to wipe away, and her hair is fanned out around her head, curling at the ends. Jackie uses the glow of a small flashlight to navigate her way around the small space and switches it off when she joins Jan. The inside of the tent goes from orange to navy and Jan giggles airily at the music that’s still playing faintly in the distance. 

Jan’s toes are cold, and she presses them to Jackie’s shins. Her lips are clumsily tracing their own way up Jackie’s neck and to her jaw, and Jackie doesn’t shy away from either sensation. She hums at Jan’s arms, snaking around her, and how her fingers are splaying across the small of her back. Jackie, encouraged by Jan, is wearing only her panties. Her skin is still clammy with sweat from the day of dancing and drinking, twirling and singing, but Jan pulls herself closer by the hook of her thigh over Jackie’s hip. 

“I meant what I said y’know”. Jan voices.

Her nails are digging into Jackie’s spine, forming crescent moons that combine with the stars above them. Jackie tries to connect them with her eyes that are darting across Jan’s face, trying to make out her expression in the dark but ultimately failing. Jan helps her do it by reaching to cup Jackie’s chin, and Jackie is just tipsy enough to see galaxies in the freckles on her cheeks and whole universes pouring from her lips. 

“About what?”. Jackie asks. 

“That your dad dancing was  _ really _ hot”. 

“Jan!”. 

“What?! You’re fucking sexy”. Jan pouts. 

Jackie relaxes further. Her body feels serene, at peace with itself despite the grass beneath the tent being uneven. Jan is giggling, warm in Jackie’s face, and keeps nuzzling closer. Jackie doesn’t think there could be less space between them but she’s proven wrong as Jan shuffles, adjusts until she’s laid between Jackie’s legs, their chests pressed together. She’s able to make out the contour of Jan’s nose and the browns of her eyes even in the dim light and behind them, she’s able to see want as well as need.

It’s confirmed by how Jan cants her hips down once, experimentally. 

“Nice try-”. Jackie whispers. 

“-But I’m not fucking you right now”. She tells her. 

“But-”. 

“No-”. Jackie asserts. 

She keeps her voice light, gentle enough as to not break the tranquility that’s blanketed across them. Jan whines, high against the shell of Jackie’s ear, and then pulls away to look at her. Jackie keeps her hands balanced on Jan’s waist so that she doesn’t topple, but then Jan is grinning, and she appears to forget about her advances as quickly as she’d tried them. She lets out a sigh that smells like the lemon of the candy that she’d chewed as Jackie had zipped up the tent, and Jackie breathes in the freshness of it. 

“-You’re tired, Jan”. She soothes. 

And when Jan drops her head, silence engulfs them.

They stay that way for a minute, or two, and Jackie focuses on the even rise and fall of Jan’s chest against her own. She drums her fingers rhythmically against her hips, and then the small of her back, before eventually moving back to her waist. Jan’s breath is hot on the skin of her neck and it succeeds in pulling Jackie back down to earth when the lull of the night threatens to tug her in the opposite direction. 

The music outside is still loud, though from their distance Jackie is only able to make out the faint whirs of bass guitars and the saxophone of a band that she doesn’t care to remember the name of. She's certain that Crystal would know, but when Jan giggles, pointing out the moans that are emanating from the tent next to theirs, Jackie guesses that Crystal is preoccupied and wouldn’t care either. There are whines and groans, and Jackie knows that in the morning they’ll laugh about it but for now she enjoys the quiet, and the way that the tent - hers and Jan’s space - feels impenetrable. 

“Do you…”. Jan starts.

It’s barely above a whisper, and Jackie encourages her. 

“Do I?...”. 

They reposition so that Jan’s nestled into Jackie’s side, her head resting on her chest. Jackie feels cold in the time that it takes for them to get comfortable but then Jan looks up at her sheepishly. There’s a confusion there that Jackie recognises because she’s felt it before, and continues to feel it. Jan is looking at her as if she isn’t real, as if what they have is mythical. It’s what every institution has ingrained in them to believe and Jackie has spent the majority of her twenties seeking to unlearn it. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to be like this in public?”. Jan’s voice doesn’t waver. 

And Jackie doesn’t have the heart to break Jan’s.

“Maybe-”. Jackie answers after a pause. 

“-Who knows, congress are passing different bills all of the time”. 

Jan hums, but Jackie knows that she isn’t satisfied. Or if she is, she at the very least has more questions that Jackie’s unable to find answers to. Her voice sounds jarringly sober compared to minutes earlier and Jackie tugs the fabric of their sleeping bag tighter around them just to feel grounded. Jan looks away from her briefly, harbouring a sadness that Jackie doesn’t like. It’s gone when she looks back however and then she’s giggling, rolling onto her back. 

“I wanna’ get married-”. Jan says offhandedly, almost dreamily. 

“-To a woman”. 

She stares straight up to the roof of the tent, her eyes darting rapidly between the closed entrance and the sluggish shadows that move past them. Jackie doesn’t know if the world has started turning on its axis in slow motion, but she feels like it has as Jan slots their fingers together, and tugs Jackie’s hand over to rest on her stomach. Jan’s skin is smooth and sunkissed and Jackie strokes her thumb back and forth across her navel subconsciously. Their eyes lock with a fire and Jackie knows that now Jan has started roaring, her flames spreading wide, she’s not going to be able to stop her. 

“It’ll happen”. Jackie nods her head. 

Jan hums, and then they’re ablaze. 

“I want to wear a ring and when people ask I want to talk about my wife-”. She’s passionate, determined. 

Yet all the while remains soft. 

“-I want to be old and happy and taking vacations with the woman I love, y’know? I want our fucking government to stop treating us like we’re subhuman, as if we’re not worthy of love, Jackie. I want,  _ fuck- _ ”. She cuts herself off with a breathy chuckle. 

Jackie allows her a moment. 

“How about-”. Jackie twists onto her side. 

She lowers her voice, regards Jan patiently. She strokes a thumb across the high point of Jan’s cheek and feels Jan’s eyelashes flutter against it. The music from outside has bled away to nothing and slowly it succeeds in putting out the still sparkling embers. Jan’s expression goes from decisive to diligent and she’s unable to look away from Jackie. It’s endearing - how quickly she’s able to shift her attention - and Jackie can’t help but smile. 

“-Fast forward, years from now. It’s maybe, I don’t know,  _ 2020 _ ? And you’re sixty something, living in a pretty house in the country. You have a wife and you’ve been together for  _ years _ , and you still have brunch dates with Gigi and Nicky on the weekends. You spend your Sunday’s dying because you drank too many mimosas but it’s ok because you had  _ fun _ . You have a couple of cats that you name after herbs that you grow in your garden, and when you head into the city you can hold hands with your wife. You can  _ kiss _ your wife”. 

Jan’s eyes fill with tears, and Jackie’s quick to wipe them away. 

“Maybe it’ll take a while-”. Jackie soothes. 

“-But it’ll happen, Jan”. 

Jackie says it like a promise, and from the smile that Jan gives her Jackie knows that she takes it as such. 

“The first national parade is happening in December”. Jackie adds. 

“The one in DC? Yeah, I heard about that”. Jan smiles.

Jackie prays that Jan knows that she’s only mentioned it because it’s hopeful. Jan hums her understanding, and Jackie gathers that it’s the end of their conversation when Jan hooks her leg back across Jackie’s waist, buries her head into the crook of her neck once more. She places one kiss to the skin there, and then another, and as her light snores begin to tickle Jackie’s collarbones, she feels lit from within with something that smells like Jan’s tropical shampoo and tastes tangy lemon candy. 


	5. distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan orders burgers for the six of them and they eat on the small patch of grass outside, sharing few words and many loaded glances. Crystal picks her way through her portion of fries and Jan - with ketchup stains on the corners of her mouth - does the same. Jackie chews slowly but Gigi’s tray is empty by the time that Jaida’s eaten half of her burger. The radio from the RV is still playing next to them, albeit lowly, and Jan tries to ignore how the positivity of the show's hosts make her want to crush her soda cup like dust between her fingers. 
> 
> Jackie stops her from doing so with a gentle hand on her wrist. 
> 
> “Can you-”. Gigi starts. 
> 
> Her laugh is incredulous. 
> 
> “-Can you believe that all this would’ve never happened if the dumb RV hadn’t broken down?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when I said it wouldn't be 3 weeks until my next update again? well I kind of told the truth bc it's only been 2 and a half weeks hfnjddfjs
> 
> this one was really nice to write though, so I hope you guys like it!! the comments on the last ch made my heart feel so full<3

Jan knows that the sun is always going to be there.

But she also isn’t naive enough to think that she’ll ever be able to reach it. 

It’s always going to be something far off, a light that makes her eyes bleary when she stares at it for too long. For Jan, it leaves behind splotches of orange and green in the browns of her irises, and they intensify whenever she blinks. If she focuses hard enough then they transform into words, and they tell her with scorching breaths that she’s being too hopeful. Nicky tells her not to listen to the whispers where as Gigi reinforces them and Jan feels stuck somewhere between the angel and the devil sitting on each of her shoulders.

She talks to Crystal about it, somewhere between both coasts. They’ve been driving back towards California for a little over a week and Jan knows that the somber feeling isn’t lost on either of them. It’s the only night of the trip that Jackie hasn’t stayed up with her to cross a state border, and has instead taken an early night in the safe confines of the bed that they’re still sharing. Crystal chooses to stay with her when she finds out, claiming that she isn’t tired. Jan admires her determination when she only has to stifle two yawns an hour into their drive and to keep Crystal sated, she hands over a pack of hard cherry candy that she’s been keeping in her dash since Florida. 

Crystal takes them with a smile and a  _ thank you _ , and slumps back into the passenger seat. She doesn’t look as comfortable as Jackie usually does, but Jan says nothing, and keeps her eyes trained on the road ahead. The traffic is quiet, as it usually is after midnight, and it takes until the fifth time that Crystal changes the radio station for Jan to pick up their conversation. Thelma Houston’s  _ don’t leave me this way _ plays quietly in the gaps of the atmosphere that awkwardness doesn’t already fill, and Crystal hums along to the lyrics that she knows under her breath. 

“Do you think-”. Jan starts.

“-That when we get back, you’ll still see Geege?”. 

Crystal doesn't look as taken aback by the question as Jan had thought she would. She takes it in calmly, lets it wash over her as she’s bathed in the glow of oncoming headlights, her lips wrapped around one of the candies that she’s taken from the open packet. At first she shrugs her shoulders - it’s nonchalant, it’s  _ Crystal _ \- and then she smiles tenderly. She lowers the volume of the radio when it wasn’t high to begin with, and turns her body in her seat. 

“She’s real cute-”. Crystal answers easily. 

“-We spoke about it, kinda’. We’d both like to”. She smiles. 

“ _ Oh _ ”.

Her answer seems thought through and yet effortless. Jan’s hands tighten on the steering wheel and she mulls over Crystal’s words that hadn't been much louder than the whispers of the tyres against the graveled road. They’d been confident none the less and Jan ponders them more than Crystal appears to, because she knows that she wants the same for herself and Jackie. They’ve been burning together since California and Jan doesn’t want to have to extinguish it merely because the thought of raising the point with Jackie makes her palms sweat. 

So she begins by raising it to Crystal. 

“You’ve known Jacks a long time”. She muses. 

Crystal hums, and then breathes out a soft  _ yeah _ . Jan can feel her eyes on her, through the fabric of Jackie’s sweater that she’d shrugged on earlier in the evening. It’s as loose on her as it is on Jackie despite Jan’s fuller chest and hips, and she lets the blue of it bleed into the headlights of the RV. Crystal turns her head then, and Jan watches her for a second longer than she should before returning her attention to the road. It’s mostly empty, with the exception of a jeep that’s been trailing behind them for the last fifty miles, and Jan tries to combat the thrumming in her chest with a sigh. 

“Years”. Crystal emphasises. 

It’s something that Jan already knows from the hours that she’s spent delving into Jackie, but hearing it from Crystal is new. She tells Jan how they’ve known each other since college and have been working together creatively for just as long. They’re a family that have knitted together seamlessly and Jan is able to see the stitches of it in how Crystal and Gigi work too. She wonders if it’s something that Jackie is keen on threading together and she asks Crystal about it as they take a left, Jan’s hands feeding the wheel. 

“Does she like, date?”. 

Crystal merely shoots her a look. 

“Baby Jan-”. Crystal grins. 

“-She’s a one woman kinda’ dyke. If you wanna’ see her, see her”.

Crystal says it as if it’s simple. 

And Jan guesses that it might be. 

*****

They stop at a beach in southern California.

And it’s Gigi’s idea.

Jackie doesn’t expect it from her, and neither do Jan or Nicky or even Crystal or Jaida from the looks that they shoot her as she suggests it. She walks over to where they’re sitting, on a picnic bench outside of a diner with her burger wrapper in hand, and proposes spending the afternoon on the coast. There’s a parking lot a little over ten miles away, she swears, and Nicky confirms it by looking at the small, folded up pocket map that she’s held onto for the entirety of the trip. Jan frowns and Jaida chuckles but for Jackie, it feels like growth. 

She remembers the impression that Gigi had first given her. She’d been aloof, had avoided contributing to conversations and discussions in lieu of remaining stoic and staring at Crystal as if she wasn’t already beginning to make her melt as they’d sat curbside, watching Jackie and Jan ogle at the engine of the RV. Jackie recalls her making comments that had been blunt and biting, but also remembers how there’d been no malice behind them. They’d been said with a smile and slowly, they hadn’t been voiced at all. 

Jackie marvels about how the six of them work together, and how it makes Jan  _ happy _ . Jan’s spent nights waxing lyrical about how good it feels to be surrounded by people like her, people that are queer and open and honest and willing. She tears up every time but Jackie gets it, understands in a way that she knows soothes Jan when words simply do not. Jackie will kiss her lips and then down the length of her body and Jan will whimper quietly just for her; and to not wake the others. 

Jan always giggles afterwards and in the mornings, Gigi teases her about it. She claims to hear moans that Jackie knows that she hasn’t but the way that she goads them is welcome. It’s a different Gigi to the one that Jackie had first come to know but she likes her, and enjoys their friendship. It’s why when Gigi suggests the beach, a day before the end of their trip, Jackie is the first to agree. Nicky and Jaida are quick to nod their heads too and Jan is already back behind the wheel, excited at the prospect of dipping her toes into the clear California waters. 

“Let’s go!”. Jan cheers. 

It takes them less than fifteen minutes to arrive. 

In that time, Jackie swaps out her dungarees for shorts and a loose shirt and Jan strips off her sweater. She claims that her bralette will suffice with her shorts and Jackie doesn’t disagree. The lace straps leave floral indentations across Jan’s shoulders and Jackie tells herself that she’ll kiss them later, will drag her lips across the garlands. Jan catches her staring on more than one occasion but says nothing as they pull into the parking lot. She shoots her a wink instead, and it makes Jackie fumble with the door handle as she pulls herself to her feet. 

“We need ground rules”. Nicky announces. 

“Ground rules?”. Jan snorts. 

“Ground rules-”. Nicky confirms. 

Jan twists her head in her direction. 

“-As in, no fucking on a public beach,  _ salopes _ ”. 

They’re walking towards the stretch of sand, but Jackie stops to snort. Her toes dig into her sandals and Jan nudges her side, chuckles along with her. Jaida huffs and Crystal cackles but Gigi is already ahead of them, jogging towards a spot where she lays out a towel. She flops down onto it dramatically, her hair fanning out. Crystal joins her and so does Jaida, but Nicky hangs back, slots herself between Jan and Jackie and links arms with the both of them. She smirks at Jackie out of the corner of her eye and Jackie’s already able to hear Jan laughing with the sea breeze. 

“I mean it-”. Nicky sings. 

“-Gigi told us  _ all _ about how they could hear you in that field”. She drawls. 

Jan, groaning petulantly, lays down her own towel when they reach the rest of the girls. Jaida welcomes them with a soft wave and Gigi simply smiles smugly up at them, her grin reaching her ears. Crystal already has her toes buried in the sand and is handing out cold bottles of beer from the cooler that she’d carried from the RV. Jackie takes three, hands one to Jan and then Nicky before kicking off her sandals. The ground is warm beneath her feet and Jan leans into her as she sits, her eyes still glaring up at Nicky. 

“They were miles away!”. Jan argues. 

But Nicky only shrugs. 

“Exactly”. 

*****

When Jan is four beers in and the afternoon is bright, she ventures into the water. 

She leaves Jackie sitting on their shared towel, her shirt unbuttoned and sternum exposed to the sun. Jan jokingly tells her that she’ll be left with uneven tan lines but when Jackie shrugs nonchalantly, swigging back half of her beer in one go, Jan leaves her be. She’s effortlessly sexy in how she reclines, her knees propped up, and Jan knows that if she doesn’t remove herself from the situation then her promise to Nicky of  _ not fucking on a public beach _ will be broken like the shells that crunch under the weight of her feet. 

Gigi is the one to pull her away by a strong grip on her hand, and she guides her towards the water that ripples with the tide. The waves are low and crash against her ankles but Jan relishes in how it tickles, and how the grains of sand spread between her toes. With the water being mostly clear, Jan is able to appreciate the sheen and the colours of the fish that loop in figures of eight, and she’s not alone as Crystal points out the small ones that are orange and the larger ones that are blue. 

Jaida Joins them too, but Nicky stays with Jackie, catching rays on their patterned towels. 

Jan sees them talking animatedly when she looks back towards them briefly, and is unable to help the smile that she shares with Jaida. It’s one that speaks volumes even if they stay quiet, drowned out by Crystal and Gigi’s screeches as they splash each other with water. They swim further out than both Jan and Jaida but they’re giggling, having fun, and Jaida only reminds them once to be careful. Gigi shrugs her off with a roll of her eyes but Crystal nods her head earnestly and blows a kiss that Jaida jokingly catches. 

She presses it to her heart, and Jan is thankful for all five of them. 

Gigi and Nicky and Jaida and Crystal and -

\-  _ Jackie _ . 

“Jan!-”. Crystal shouts. 

She’s cradling a beer in one hand and Gigi’s waist in the other. 

“-Jackie’s looking at you!”. She beams. 

And if it’s what Jan had been hoping for, she says nothing. 

She knows that she looks good, with her blue cotton shorts and cream lace bralette that’s soaked through with water. The shorts cling to her ass and thighs in a way that Jan knows from experience that Jackie appreciates, and it’s why she makes a show of turning, propping a hip and winking over her shoulder. Jackie is staring at her just as Crystal had told her she was, over the edge of her sunglasses and through flocks of tourists. Her knuckles are white around the beer bottle that she’s clutching and Jan snorts as she turns back to Crystal, a blush creeping up her neck. 

“Good-”. Jan nods. 

“-Let her”. 

*****

Sometime during the afternoon, Jan befriends a girl who calls herself Lemon as she’s swimming in the shallows. Jackie watches from her place on the towel, and thinks that Lemon looks every bit the part of a Californian with her white blonde waves and yellow bikini. Jan later jokes to Jackie that they’d been sisters in another life and Jackie would be lying if she didn’t see it in the ways that they’d giggled together, chugging their beers like water and falling off of Lemon’s surfboard inelegantly. 

With Lemon comes a girl named Priyanka, and Jackie strikes up a conversation with her as she licks her way through a melting ice cream that Nicky had handed her. It’s strawberry and mango, drizzled in raspberry, and it trickles down her wrist as Priyanka lovingly heckles Lemon. Jackie catches words like  _ idiot _ and  _ dumbass _ but also  _ babe _ and  _ love _ , and by the time that Priyanka leaves with Lemon trailing behind her with her surfboard, Jackie feels lighter. 

Jan is quick to join her after that, her clothes and skin dripping. Her hair is soaked in waves down her back and Jackie rakes her fingers through them, her knuckles getting caught in a handful of knots along the way. Jan winces with each one that she tugs free but ultimately leans into Jackie’s touch, and reclines between her legs, against her chest. It’s early evening, yellow and orange, and Jan plants her hands on Jackie’s knees. Her touch is cold from the sea and Jackie lets the chill travel through her. It battles with the warmth of Jan’s body pressed against her own and Jackie can do nothing apart from sit in it. 

“Do you want another beer?”. Jan asks her. 

She’s already shuffling out of Jackie’s hold, to the cooler that’s an arms length away.

But Jackie thinks that she’s going to need more than a beer to cool off. 

So she shakes her head, and is then walking hand in hand towards the water with Jan. 

“Let’s go for a swim instead”. 

*****

Jackie closes the door of the RV behind them, and then she’s quick to lock it. 

Jan presses herself up against her, wraps her arms around Jackie’s waist and connects her lips to the juncture of her shoulder as she watches her. Jackie’s skin is still prickled with droplets of water from the sea, and the fabric of her shorts and shirt are cold against Jan’s chest. She pulls herself closer regardless, by the lever of her grip on Jackie’s hips, and hyper focuses on Jackie’s fingers that toy with the ring of keys. They get tossed to the nearest surface when the lock clicks shut and then Jan’s attention moves to Jackie’s wrists, her arms that wrap around her neck. Jan is pulling her down towards her and Jackie falls with her, the gap between them lessening. 

Jackie’s lips are salty, a fresh ocean in one kiss. 

Jan kisses her as if she’s going to be able to taste the coral on the seafloor and Jackie kisses back just as eagerly, her fingertips weaving into the baby hairs at the base of Jan’s neck. She tugs on them and Jan whines high in her throat, her eyes falling shut to the sight of the oranges of the sun outside that are dipping into pinks and then violets. It’s still warm in the late evening, and Jan’s able to feel sweat already forming on her brow, and on each patch of skin that Jackie touches. Her hands have found a home on Jan’s hips, tugging at the cotton of her pants, and Jan would let them live there permanently if she hadn’t been built up all day, like a sandcastle waiting to crumble. 

“We should-”. Jan pauses to heave in a breath. 

“-Get out of these clothes”. 

Jackie’s unclasping her bra before Jan’s able to finish talking. She works the straps of it down Jan’s arms, and tosses it to the couch in the living area as she begins walking them backwards, towards their secluded bed. Jan trips on the corner leg of the small table but Jackie holds her steady, and chuckles into their kiss. Jackie’s shirt is cold and wet against Jan’s chest, and it makes her first wince and then moan. Her nipples harden and Jackie palms across them, a little uncoordinated in their attempt to reach the bed. Jan sighs in relief when they eventually do and Jackie pulls the curtain behind them before draping herself across Jan’s body. 

They kiss messily, hot and wet. Jan allows Jackie to settle on top of her briefly but then she’s rolling them over in the rumpled duvet, hooking her leg across Jackie’s waist. Their thighs press together and Jackie cups Jan’s ass with both of her palms but as she does so, Jackie groans. It’s quiet to begin with and then it gets louder, more certain as Jan grinds her hips down. There are flowers blooming out of the water on Jackie’s skin, crawling up the curtains covering the windows and the few clothes that they’re both still wearing. Jan peels them away easily and then together they fall backwards, and they’re drowning. 

“Can we-”. Jan breathes, low against Jackie’s lips. 

“-One last time?”. 

To verbalise the very thing that’s been making her heart ache doesn’t alleviate as much pressure as Jan thought it would. Because tomorrow Jackie isn’t going to simply be there, an arms length away. She isn’t going to be sat next to Jan as she drives hundreds of miles along highways or country roads and she isn’t going to be there to talk, to kiss, to touch. Jan knows that she’s going to miss her but is trying - and failing - not to think about how much. Jackie seems to understand with a slow nod of her head and Jan’s lungs fill with water as Jackie pushes her backwards. 

Cris Williamson’s  _ sweet woman _ plays from the stereo that Jackie has switched on, soft and tender and pretty. 

“Don’t say it like that”. Jackie whispers. 

She’s crowded into Jan’s space, one hand curving around her jaw and the other keeping herself propped up. Jan doubts she’d complain if she were to sink further but she has little time to consider it when Jackie’s fingers are dragging against her lips, pressing against her chin. They trace waves, small tsunamis, and when Jan draws the tips of them into her mouth she’s flooded by the sound of Jackie groaning. Jan holds onto her wrist so Jackie’s unable to pull back and both of their eyes flutter closed as Jan sucks, and then laves her tongue between Jackie’s fingers. 

“Fuck”. Jackie breathes. 

Jan hums again, and then slowly pulls off. Jackie’s fingers are wet with Jan’s spit, and it’s pooling between her knuckles. Jan coaxes her eyes open to see Jackie staring back at her and then she parts her lips, letting a string of spit fall to Jackie’s fingertips. Jackie’s eyes are wide yet wanting and as the sun sets further, Jan relishes in how the navy catches against Jackie’s skin. It matches the varnish that’s chipping off of her nails and the way that the light glints against the sheen of Jackie’s fingers. Jackie curls them, still wet back around Jan’s jaw, and they kiss hard with Jan grasping at Jackie’s ass. 

“I want-”. Jan pants. 

“-I want them inside me”. 

Everything seems to move quicker when Jan verbalises her needs. Jackie moans into their kiss, and then trails her still damp fingers down Jan’s neck, between her breasts and to her stomach. She draws circles around her navel that make Jan arch her back, and then stops when she gets to her thighs. There, she looks up at Jan, and then crawls the fingers of one hand back up the length of her body so that Jan’s able to take them into her mouth once more. Jackie presses them, firmly onto her tongue, and Jan is dripping, soaking onto the bed sheets. 

“Please-”. She whimpers. 

“-Been thinking about this all day”. 

Her words are high and whiney, but Jackie smiles regardless. She hums, acknowledges Jan’s words, but ignores how Jan is bucking her hips and pleading for Jackie to touch her. Her fingers coast the line where Jan’s hips meet her thighs, and then when Jan utters a please Jackie presses a palm to her pussy. Jan’s thighs clench instinctively, but Jackie pries them apart. The heel of her hand rubs against Jan’s clit and Jan has to close her eyes to the sight of the darkening room and Jackie’s smirk. There are oranges and blues that she’s unable to keep track of and she chases them along with Jackie’s fingers.

“Be good-”. Jackie drops her voice. 

“-And then I’ll make you come. Can you do that for me?”. 

Jan nods her head yes without thinking about it. 

Jackie touches her easily, in a way that’s familiar. She rubs her thumb across Jan’s clit and curls first two, then three fingers up inside of her. They pump slowly to begin with, but Jan trusts her to know when the tightening of her legs means to go faster, and when the slackening of her jaw encourages her to be that little bit rougher. Jackie’s fingers fall from her mouth and Jan doesn’t break the string of spit that connects them. Instead she allows it to stretch like an ocean across her body and watches it slowly break down each grain of sand that’s holding her together. 

“More,  _ fuck _ , give me more”. Jan catches herself pleading. 

She’s warm, filled with Jackie’s fingers and being dipped in the blue of late evening. They kiss as messily as they’d stumbled into the RV, and Jan pants into Jackie’s open mouth while Jackie doubles her efforts, whispers words that Jan’s unable to make out. Jan’s hand travels too, and the tips of her fingers bump clumsily up against Jackie’s knuckles as she rubs at her own clit. It’s a visual that Jan knows Jackie enjoys -  _ loves _ , thrives off of - and she giggles through the pleasure and the dark of the room until Jackie narrows her eyes, shakes her head in disbelief. 

“You’re so good-”. Jackie tells her. 

It makes Jan’s breath hitch. 

“ _ -So _ so good, Jan. That’s it,  _ fuck _ , make yourself feel good, baby”. 

Jan sinks into Jackie’s voice like quicksand. It’s thick, solid, and Jan gets lost in it before she gets stuck, unable to bring herself back to the surface. It wraps around her in the same way that she squeezes down around Jackie’s fingers as she comes with a cry; wet and warm and with limbs that feel heavy. Jan utters a string of  _ pleases _ and  _ yeses _ and  _ god’s _ that tangle together but Jackie works her way through them, and kisses and kisses Jan until her breathing evens back out. 

“Damn-”. Jan snorts. 

“-I like,  _ need _ you to sit on my face right now”. 

And Jan thinks that Jackie nods, but Jan’s already coaxing her to her knees, dragging open mouthed kisses across her thighs before she makes her come easily on her tongue, their eyes locked and fingers intertwined. They bask easily in the afterglow that follows and neither voice more than a chuckle until the silence is broken. Nicky is thumping on the door, bellowing for the pair to _ put some fucking clothes on _ and Jan has to laugh for fear of her blushing cheeks sun burning her from the inside out.

*****

When they get to LA, Crystal is the first to cry. 

It happens as soon as they see the sign come into view, and Gigi is left comforting her in the small living area of the RV. She does so by looping an arm around her shoulders, and tucking her head into the space beneath Crystal’s chin. Jan watches them in the rear view mirror and quietly considers how Nicky and Jaida are more solemn than she’s ever seen them too. Jackie stays at her side throughout and keeps a grounding hand on her thigh. _ We’ve only just begun _ by The Carpenters plays once, and then again when they change stations. Jan has to laugh at the irony of it but Jackie simply turns the volume down and keeps her attention focused on Jan. 

They stop at the same diner that they’d picked Crystal and Jackie up at. 

Jan orders burgers for the six of them and they eat on the small patch of grass outside, sharing few words and many loaded glances. Crystal picks her way through her portion of fries and Jan - with ketchup stains on the corners of her mouth - does the same. Jackie chews slowly but Gigi’s tray is empty by the time that Jaida’s eaten half of her burger. The radio from the RV is still playing next to them, albeit lowly, and Jan tries to ignore how the positivity of the show's hosts make her want to crush her soda cup like dust between her fingers. 

Jackie stops her from doing so with a gentle hand on her wrist. 

“Can you-”. Gigi starts. 

Her laugh is incredulous. 

“-Can you believe that all this would’ve never happened if the dumb RV hadn’t broken down?”. 

She says it softly, as if using too harsh of a tone will ruin the sentiment that Jan knows her words hold. Gigi leans back onto her elbows and looks between Crystal and the RV, and then from Jan and Jackie to Nicky and Jaida. Her freckles are blooming as much as Jan’s are in the sun and Jan watches as trails her eyes across them. They land then on Gigi’s hands that are shredding the blades of grass surrounding her and Jan marvels at how Crystal’s halting touch mirrors that of Jackie. 

A gentle hand on her wrist, a tender smile to match. 

“It’s crazy”. Jackie supplies. 

And Jan agrees. 

Nicky looks like she does too, with a hand on Jaida’s thigh. It doesn’t stray from where she plants it, but Jan knows that it doesn’t need to for the message to be received, loud and clear. A faint frown settles on Crystal’s face and Jan is able to watch the ball drop for her in slow motion. It rolls out of her hands, tumbles to the ground and then bounces back up into the grip of Nicky who’s subtly smirking. Her hair is pulled back into a low pony tail and she flicks the length of it over her shoulder before she sighs, her posture slumping. 

“I’m-”. Nicky muses. 

“-I’m very glad it did happen”. 

There are smiles and silence, and then a gasp. 

“I just realised something-”. Crystal clutches her palm to her chest.

“-You’re  _ gay _ ”. Her eyes widen. 

“Oh, me?  _ Never _ ”. Nicky smirks. 

“What, I-“. Crystal stammers.

And then she lets out a groan.

“-I thought you were just french!”. 

*****

The goodbyes are as bittersweet as Jan had expected. 

But Jackie tastes of promise. 

They’re huddled in the entryway of Jackie’s apartment, Jackie’s small suitcase at their feet. Jan’s able to feel the AC from inside wrapping around her ankles as well as Jackie’s arms that loop around her neck, her shoulders. Her touch is seemingly everywhere as they kiss once, and then twice, before a third time because they’re unable to pull away. A last kiss isn’t a kiss that Jan wants to have - not with Jackie, not now - and so she keeps going until she’s numb. Jackie is breathless, teary eyed, but she tucks a strand of Jan’s hair behind her ear and Jan swears that it’s their first kiss all over again. 

“You’ll still come to mine and Crystal’s show, right? In the fall?”.

Jan leans in closer, her breath hot on Jackie’s cheek. 

“Try and stop me”. 


	6. setting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jan becomes content with never staying in one place long enough to remember the layout of the nearest streets. 
> 
> And decides that for her, people are enough to keep her grounded. 
> 
> She spends Halloween with Gigi at Jackie and Crystal’s apartment, and by the time that Thanksgiving rolls around, so does Jackie and Crystal’s joint exhibition. Jan has had plans to visit it since the summer so she sees it as nothing but a bonus when she gets to watch them install it too, and organise the launch night from the confines of their living room. Crystal designs the flyers and Jackie spell checks them, and together they decide on which boxed wine and what recyclable paper cups to buy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I,, cannot believe this is the last ch. I've had such a good time writing this, and the love that you've all shown it has been incredible. I really love how this last ch turned out, and hope you all like it too!!!
> 
> let me know your thoughts!!<3

Jan knows that it has to happen. 

Over and over again, each day, the sun will set. 

With it goes the light, as well as the burning and the warmth, and it means that the rising and the distance in between were futile. It’s an inevitable and a constant, something unavoidable, but Jan maintains that she doesn’t have to like it. August comes to an end and when September brings its shorter days and longer nights, Jan misses the thrill of summer more than she had when she’d parked the RV back into her family’s garage. It’s sat there since - it’s been a month, Jan feels like it’s been three - and it glares at her ominously each time she walks past it. 

Jan complains to Gigi about it, on more than one occasion. Gigi calls her family's landline every other day and Jan spends hours after the sun has set discussing first their monotonous days, before they dissolve into conversation about Crystal and Jackie and how it feels like their stitches are coming apart. Jan kicks her legs over the arm of the orange suede couch in her living room and twirls the cord of the phone between her fingers. She used to do the same motion in the curls of Jackie’s hair and it calms her when Gigi’s voice grows shrill. 

Jan learns from Gigi that it’s already October. 

She hasn’t been keeping track of the days because there’s been no reason to, in her opinion. Gigi chastises her for it but Jan simply stares at the red, digital clock on the mantelpiece. It reads six in the evening and when Jan looks to the windows that surround her, it’s already dark. She shouldn’t be as surprised as she is when Gigi laughs, and tells her that it’s been this way for the past month, but she cackles regardless and thinks about how Jackie would look in the low light of her living room, doused in the glow of her mom’s citrine tiffany lamps. 

When she gets too caught up in her thoughts, Gigi pulls her out of them. It happens each time that they speak but Gigi never comments on it. Jan thinks that it’s testament to how she’d softened over the course of the summer and unlike Gigi, Jan does mention it. She asks her about Crystal, about plans to  _ see _ Crystal. Gigi comes up empty and Jan lets her heart break for the both of them because she understands it in a way that makes her own chest ache. Her palms feel empty without Jackie’s hands in them, and the way that she’s able to touch herself somehow doesn’t hold a candle to how Jackie could. 

Jan likes to think that she’s the queen of her own body, a ruler of the turrets of her breasts and the portcullis of her thighs. She’s always had full reign over how her own fingers have curled up inside of herself, and how other peoples have too. It had been easy to command with a crown on her head but when Jackie had shown up, stolen the crown for herself, the moat that Jan had built for herself had collapsed. Jackie had placed Jan’s crown delicately yet with certainty upon her sea of curls, and Jan thinks that the worst thing about it is -

\- She doesn’t want it back. 

Jackie can keep it. 

It’s the middle of the month before Jan’s unable to breathe, and Gigi is out of air too. She calls Jan’s home late at night on a weekend, and tells her around mouthfuls of potato chips that she’s bored, restless. Jan listens intently and nods even if Gigi’s unable to see her, because it helps her not feel as useless. They keep their tones soft and their voices hushed but when Gigi cracks Jan does too. The phone line crackles between them and between the ringing and the beeping, Jan hears hope. 

“Jan-”. Gigi starts. 

“-We’ve ‘gotta go, don’t we?”. 

“I-”. Jan pauses. 

She doesn’t need to stop to think about it because she’s had months to ponder. 

“-I think so, yeah gorg”. 

Then Gigi laughs, and Jan doesn’t know why they hadn’t spoken about it sooner because she knows that they’ve both been thinking about it. It’s been evident in how Gigi has complained about her sister hearing herself and Crystal talking on the landline on a regular basis, and how Jan has gotten sick of the sight of the four, cherry blossom pink walls of her childhood bedroom. She’s been thinking about painting them purple and has told Gigi as much but knows that it would be nothing but an avoidance tactic. Gigi encourages her to tackle life in ways that she sometimes struggles to and Jan is thankful for their friendship, not for the first time. 

“What have we done since summer apart from complain?”. Gigi asks.

And Jan can’t think of many things. 

“Search for jobs that we don’t want”. Jan answers. 

If she really thinks about it, she’s able to summarise the beginning of the fall months into a list of activities that are as repetitive as they sound. A typical day for Jan consists of taking a shower that’s too warm and drinking coffee that’s too cold, before spending the day in her living room or in the closest town that’s a half hours drive away. She then spends the nights talking to Jackie and Gigi intermittently, and yearns when their voices come from the speaker of the phone rather than physical beings sitting next to her. Jan thinks that the technology of it is weird despite being a blessing and it’s another thing that Gigi laughs at when she tells her about it. 

“So we should go”. Gigi states plainly. 

“When?”. 

Gigi doesn’t hesitate to answer. 

“I can be at yours in an hour”. 

*****

By the time that Gigi arrives, it’s a little after eight. 

Jan has packed a small backpack of clothes, and already has her boots pulled on when Gigi’s headlights shine through the mottled glass of the front door. She closes it quietly behind her and pads across the gravel of her driveway, slips into the passenger side of Gigi’s new Ford Durango. It’s red, almost brick in colour, and Jan hums in approval before pulling Gigi into an embrace. Gigi smells like sage and cinnamon and it reminds Jan of summer night drives, ones spent across the country. Jan throws her bag carelessly to the space at her feet when Gigi apologies for the lack of back seats and then they’re reversing, backing onto the road that leads away from Jan’s house. 

It isn’t until they’re cruising on the freeway that their excitement has calmed enough for Gigi to speak. 

“Did you-”. She clears her throat. 

“-Did you tell your parents you were going?”. 

Jan shakes her head no, both because she hadn’t had the time and because they weren’t home at the time. She doubts she would have gone through the effort of explaining even if they were and Gigi nods her head, laughs in realistion. Geturing vaguely with her hand, Jan relaxes. The car is warm even if her fingers are cold, and she’s grateful for the sweater that she’d pulled on earlier in the evening, as well as her lavender, cord pants that are flowing around her shins. Jan knows that the transition into winter is only going to get colder and for once, she’s ready for it. 

“I left them a note-”. Jan elaborates. 

“-They’re watching a movie downtown”. She chuckles. 

Gigi snorts, and then signals left. They take the first turning towards southern California and when the sign first comes into view, Jan feels a little more at peace. Gigi turns the volume of the radio up higher than Jan had been expecting her to, but she eases into the voice of Dolly Parton singing about  _ Jolene _ and how she doesn’t want her to take her man. Jan has always found the song laughable; Dolly sounds more infatuated with  _ Jolene _ than she does with the man that she mentions and Jan wonders if she’s reading into it too much or if it really is just plain and simple lesbianism. 

Together, they both sing quietly for the next hour. The traffic is quiet but quiet for California means busy for anywhere else. Jan is scared to talk for fear that her nervous excitement will interfere with Gigi’s driving, and she knows from the way that Gigi’s teeth are gnawing into the side of the cheek that she shares a similar state of mind. Her eyes are laser focused on the road ahead and it isn’t until they’re less than half an hour away from Jackie and Crystal’s apartment that Gigi decides to speak. They both remember the address off by heart and it leaves Gigi free to drive with one hand on the wheel and the other twiddling with a loose thread on her pants. 

“Fuck-”. Gigi sighs. 

“-Nicky really had the right idea didn’t she?”. 

And for all of Nicky’s impulsive decisions, Jan thinks that Gigi is right. 

Because Nicky hadn’t returned to her apartment downtown. Instead, she’d packed a bag, and had travelled the hundreds of miles back towards Arizona with Jaida sitting comfortably in her passenger seat. Jan hadn’t been surprised in the slightest because Nicky is Nicky, and Nicky has never been tied down anywhere long enough to worry about a move one state over. She’s called Jan and Gigi every weekend since and has sent postcards from Phoenix that she’s signed with prints of her red lipstick. Her messages have been short and sweet, yet Jan envies the way that she acts so frivolously while harbouring all of the care in the world. 

“You know what she’s like”. Jan rolls her eyes. 

“The smartest one of all of us?”. 

“Without a question”. 

*****

They don’t give Jackie and Crystal any warning. 

Gigi thinks about it, albeit briefly, but they ultimately decide that giving them fifteen minutes warning from a phonebox on the side of the road won’t be any better than turning up at their doorstep a little after ten at night. Jan laughs with her as she shoves the idea aside and when they pull into the parking lot for their apartment building, she registers the thrumming in her chest. It hasn’t left since she’d packed her backpack, but it doubles ten fold, making itself all the more present when the window of their apartment comes into view, still lit orange and pink from the lava lamp that Jackie has told her about. 

Jan looks to Gigi, and then lets out a breath of air. 

The car is dark, and Jan’s unable to feel much apart from the jittering in her legs and the bag at her feet. She nudges it with her foot to make sure it’s still real and when it is, she glances back to Gigi. Gigi’s already looking at her, one hand on the door handle and the other anxiously jingling her keys, and she’s blinking in a way that is telling. She’s not one to fret about many things - life, her future,  _ women _ \- and it almost shakes Jan more than the thought of Jackie being three flights of stairs away. 

Almost. 

“Geege-”. Jan levels. 

“-Is it too late to turn back?”. She jokes. 

And it makes Gigi crack a smile, so Jan thinks that it’s worth the bubbling in her gut.

*****

The walk up to Jackie and Crystal’s floor is excruciatingly enthusiastic. 

For Jan. 

Gigi doesn’t seem to share the same opinion, and spends the entire two minutes that it takes them to get there spinning the ring of keys around her index finger. Jan makes a point of taking them from her when they’re no further than a meter from their front door, and slips them into the front pocket of her backpack. It joins the collection of old receipts and gum wrappers that have gathered there and on any other day, Jan knows that Gigi would go out of her way to tell her to clear it out. This time she chooses to ignore it in favour of tapping the toe of her shoe rhythmically against the floor, and it means that Jan’s the one to step forward, ring the doorbell with trembling fingers and a grin.

After Gigi nudges her in the side. 

They hear shuffling, and then the creak of floorboards. Jan is able to make out voices before she sees faces but when she does, her eyes land on Crystal, with Jackie peering curiously over her shoulder. Where Jan’s grin had briefly fallen, it grows once more. It starts at the corners of her mouth, and spreads to her cheeks that feel like they’re burning with excitement. Crystal’s looking back at her with a frown that isn’t dissipating and  _ Jackie _ \- is cackling incredulously. Jan takes her in in her baggy t-shirt and shorts and she’s able to feel her arms wrapping around her before they’re actually there. 

“You’re not the pizza delivery”. Crystal deadpans. 

But then her smile grows, slowly. 

And she’s stepping barefoot out of the apartment, into Gigi’s space. 

From one home into the next.

*****

They sit on the living room floor until the early hours of the morning. 

Between the four of them they work through the pizza that Jackie and Crystal had ordered - it had turned up minutes after the door had closed behind them - as well as two bags of chips and dip from their stash in the cupboards. At some point, Jackie offers them a packet of chewy, sugary candy that she’d picked up from the convenience store down the street, but Jan says no in favour of leaning further into her. Jackie is already sweet enough in how she covers the both of them in a navy crocheted blanket, resting her hand firmly on Jan’s knee. 

Jan lets it sit there as Crystal and Gigi talk. It reminds her of all the times that it’s been there before, when they’ve been driving after midnight or sharing pillow talk before dawn. She thinks that it’s as calm as it’s always been, with Jackie’s serene nature, and it seems to reflect in how Gigi’s looking at them as Crystal’s head lays in her lap, the fringe of her mullet sweeping into her eyes. Gigi brushes it away only for it to fall back again and when Jackie laughs, Jan feels it travel through Jackie’s lips, onto her skin and into her bones. 

“You’re here-”. Crystal voices. 

She pauses to cackle, her hands flailing above her.

“-You’re like,  _ here _ here”. 

Lifting her head from where it’s been resting against Jackie’s arm, Jan nods. She then laughs along with Crystal, because there aren’t words that feel adequate enough to respond with. When she searches for them she comes up empty but then Jackie hands them to her with a thumb that strokes across her knuckles. Jan takes them, and then sips from the mug filled with cola that Crystal had given her. She’d told Jan that she’d made the mug a handful of years ago when she was experimenting in art school, and Jan could have guessed from the way that the green dots are painted messily, and how the sculpted handle is lopsided. 

She places it down onto the shag rug next to her, and then chuckles. 

“It was Gigi’s idea”. Jan admits. 

And then Jackie prods her, but Jan knows that it’s a light hearted joke. 

“Didn’t you want to see me?”. Jackie smirks. 

Her eyes tell Jan that she doesn’t have to answer, but Jan does so regardless, with lips pressing against Jackie’s cheek. They only stay there for a second, but it’s long enough to have Jackie melting against her like the tub of ice cream that’s still sitting on the arm of the couch, condensation pooling around it. Jackie slinks an arm around her shoulder and Jan’s head is back to resting against her arm. Jan knows that it isn’t going to be much longer before the four of them drag themselves to bed but for now she sighs, and allows Jackie to thread her fingers in her hair. 

“More than anything”. 

*****

They leave their dishes in the sink until morning. 

Jan gets a glass of water for herself and one for Jackie too, and slinks down the short hallway as Crystal and Gigi say their goodnights to them. Jackie is already sprawled out across her bed - Jan can see her through the gap in the open door - and is staring fondly back at her, her expression soft and serene. Jan joins her as soon as she closes the door behind her with her foot, and sets both glasses down onto Jackie’s bedside table. Next to them there’s a terracotta potted succulent and when Jan sits down on the edge of Jackie’s mattress, it’s with a content sigh. 

It’s then that Jan’s eyes begin to wander. 

Because the first time that Jan had seen Jackie’s bedroom, when they’d hastily packed her bag before heading for Florida, Jan hadn’t paused to take in her surroundings. But now, with time as well as Jackie on her side, she looks properly. The walls are painted a less than thrilling beige, but there’s a woven tapestry on the wall above Jackie’s bed. It depicts a rising sun, and the oranges and yellows of it make the room feel warm, along with her cream coloured bedding. She has cushions scattered on an armchair in the corner of the room, and matching ones thrown to the bottom of her bed. They’re patterned with brown and rust zig-zag’s and Jan likes them. 

She continues to pick apart Jackie’s room, one found object at a time. The slew of houseplants remind Jan of the cacti that they’d seen in Tucson, and the shells that she’s collected in a small decorative bowl on her night stand are reminicents of the sands that they’d seen in Key West. Jan feels transported back to the weeks they’d spent together in the RV but if she’s honest with herself, it has less to do with the trinkets surrounding her and more to do with how Jackie is looking at her as she observes the room. 

With light and fire and warmth. 

On a couple of hooks near the door, Jackie stores her cameras. Jan’s able to recognise the one that she’d brought on their trip from the strap that’s tied to it, and another that Jackie had described to her as  _ obnoxiously red _ . It stands out in a sea of comfortable neutrals, but it makes Jan smile in the same way that the pictures that she has pinned to a board above her desk do. They’re the ones that Jackie had taken across the states, developed and in the flesh. Each of them have been individually labeled with a date and a title, and Jan looks between them and Jackie with a grin. 

“Guess which one’s my favourite”. Jackie whispers. 

When Jan doesn’t answer, too caught up in Jackie’s hand tracing circles on her thigh, Jackie guides her. 

“Top left”. She encourages. 

Jan’s eyes travel once more, over a stack of sketchbooks and to the photo that Jackie’s already gazing at. 

It’s titled simply  _ Jan, July 24th 1979 _ . 

“You kept that one?”. She asks. 

Her voice is tender, and Jackie nods. The picture is one that Jackie had taken just before they’d reached Florida, when they’d gotten high and happy and had lazed in fields of daisies. In it, Jan is straddling Jackie’s thighs, her skirt bunched up around her waist. She’s holding Jackie’s wrist with both of her hands and has her lips delicately wrapped around Jackie’s fingers. The moment is etched like engraved platinum into Jan’s mind and she blushes at the thought of how Jackie had kissed her afterwards, hot and filthy. 

Yet kindly. 

“Like I said-”. Jackie simpers. 

“-It’s the best picture I’ve ever taken”. 

*****

Jan becomes content with never staying in one place long enough to remember the layout of the nearest streets. 

And decides that for her, people are enough to keep her grounded. 

She spends Halloween with Gigi at Jackie and Crystal’s apartment, and by the time that Thanksgiving rolls around, so does Jackie and Crystal’s joint exhibition. Jan has had plans to visit it since the summer so she sees it as nothing but a bonus when she gets to watch them install it too, and organise the launch night from the confines of their living room. Crystal designs the flyers and Jackie spell checks them, and together they decide on which boxed wine and what recyclable paper cups to buy. 

They settle on rosé, but when they can’t agree on whether to get purple cups or green ones, they get both. Their discussions never fail to make Jan laugh, shake her head, and she tells them both as much on the evening of the private view. Nicky and Jaida have driven from Arizona to join them and they greet them at the venue with kisses to the cheeks and open arms. Jan thinks the change of scenery looks good on Nicky and Nicky reiterates the statement right back to her; once she’s finished teasing Jan and Gigi for their two months of yearning. 

Jan maintains that the content of the exhibition itself is -

\- Amongst her favourites that she’s ever seen. 

Even if she is biased. 

According to Crystal, it had had a title ever since the first weekend of their trip. Jackie had woken her up at the break of dawn and had excitedly shown her a page of her sketchbook, brandished with scribbles of  _ sex _ and  _ love _ and  _ companisonship _ . Jan hadn’t heard about it until she’d seen the flyers - glossy and shiny and new - but she can’t imagine a better theme for what she witnesses when she first enters the white wall gallery. The room is dotted with friends and friends of friends and Jackie’s hand is securely brushing her own. 

“Go check it out”. Jackie grins. 

The room is bright, open. On one wall there are pictures, ones that Jackie has taken of her surroundings and her friends and Jan. Jackie’s favourite takes centre stage and it compliments a series of photographs of one of Crystal’s performance pieces that she’s relevantly titled  _ summer _ . The real life Crystal stands in front of them, wearing an all white set of lingerie and having Gigi splatter her with acrylic paint in shades of mint and teal and yellow ochre. 

“Jacks-”. Jan marvels.

And then she spots Jackie’s chosen title. 

_ Sun and love have six things in common.  _

“-I love it”. 

**Author's Note:**

> im also on tumblr @ jancox !


End file.
